8: Surprise

A/N: Fasten your seat belt!
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Yadira

      My heart is racing. Rohan just kissed me.

     All I've wanted since Rohan joined us was for him to think I'm worth the effort. But it seemed like all he was doing was showing all of us (not just me) how wonderful he is at everything. Sure, we all have realized we need him, but I'd hoped he'd single me out as someone more special to him.

      Then the whole Sama thing happened, and I wanted to cry. But I didn't have a right to cry. He could do what he liked. It's not like we had a romantic... thing... going. 

     Earlier, it was all I could do to focus with the way he was parading himself around. I had a goal: I wanted to find out if there had been anyone he left behind, someone that he cared about. Maybe that's why he never said he really wanted just me. That's not to say I never got any clues that he might, but after he'd do whatever, he wouldn't say anything! I thought maybe if I got him talking about it, he might tell me one way or the other. But then I chickened out. I didn't want to hear how he wasn't interested in someone he saw as just a child, and afraid I was about to hear that, I got up to leave.

Then...

     ...surprise!

     That was not how you kiss your little sister; that was not how you kiss someone you think of as a child. But I guess I wasn't ready for him to tell me he liked me like that like that. So, while I was reeling with this happy but scary new reality, he barely gave me a chance to catch up at first!

     Finally, he speaks against my lips, telling me he DOES like me, and I felt like I was flying. He kissed me again, and that's when I started noticing how he was pushing into me. Sama had taught me about this kind of thing one very awkward night years ago, but I didn't know it was going to be like this.

     And now he's asking me to give him a chance. Why am I scared? Isn't this what I thought I wanted? All those times I was hoping he'd tell me, but I wasn't expecting such a physical tidal wave to go with it.
     He lifts my face, and I see the pleading in his eyes. I swallow, wondering how I'm going to tell him how scared I am.
     "I... don't know what to do next." Oh great, Yadira. Let's just remind him how you have no idea what you're doing. But it's true! If I say I'll give him this 'chance' he's asking for, does that mean he's going to pull me to his house and... that will happen?
     "Well, er..." He swallows now. "Are you attracted to me, Yadira?"
     That's easy. "Yes."
     His whole body sighs with relief, and he kisses me again. When he pulls back, he says, "Then that's what I wanted to know."

     I close my eyes, and he pulls my head to his chest. This is nice. I can hear his heart beating while he takes in and lets out deep breaths. We stay like this for a while, and his breathing returns to normal.
     "Would you like to live in my house with me, Yadira?"
     "Because you think my house is terrible."
     "No, because I want to sleep with you."
     I pause. "Just sleeping?"
     I can hear the smile in his voice. "Not unless you want more, but I'm guessing you're not ready for that. Am I right?"
     How does he know? "You are."

     So that's how it happens that I move in to Rohan's house. And we sleep together. Just sleeping. Well, and kissing.
     A month goes by, and Sama starts acting really happy, which makes me suspicious. But I don't ask her because I don't want to know.

      "So you decided not to go fishing after all?" I hear behind me. Turning, I see Rohan. What... is he wearing?
      "Are you wearing one of my skirts?"
      He chuckles. "Well, I washed all my other clothes, and they're currently hanging up to dry. So, yeah, I hope you don't mind me borrowing this for a little while. That is... unless you'd prefer I go around in the buff."
     "No, wearing my skirt is fine." Honestly, I'm surprised he's not taking this chance at being an exhibitionist again.

      "So I, er, had some leftover ripped sail, and I wanted to make you something, speaking of clothes."
     I smile. He looks so nervous! "You made me something?"
     He pulls out a white dress. "Yea. I hid it up there."
     I hug him and thank him then run off to go try it on whatever it is.

      The dress is beautiful, of course, and I walk back over to thank him again. However, just before walking out of the trees, I stop. Rohan is standing at the beach gazing out over the water, and I just stand here and look at him.
      He has brought so much to all our lives, but I'm especially glad for what he's brought to mine. He loves me. He's told me. It was so cute and funny the first time he did. I had just opened my eyes one morning to see his face covering my vision, like he'd been watching me sleep. 'I love you,' he said then kissed me. My feet have hardly touched the ground since.
     I love him. I've not told him. Silly me. After all that waiting in the beginning, you think I'd learn.

     I call his name, and he turns. I can't really read his expression as I walk towards him.

     "What?" I ask, trying to understand his look. "You don't like it?" Maybe this isn't what he imagined.
     "On the contrary." He walks to me.

     He reaches for my hand, and he acts like he's trying to figure out what to say next.
     So I decide to go ahead and speak. "Thank you. It's lovely."
     "I'm having that overwhelming feeling again that I should just fall to my knees and start worshiping you."
     I start giggling. He's since told me what he was thinking that night he ran after me with the pointy stick, when we met. He actually thought for a while that I was a goddess. It's funny now. He's so wonderful. I throw my arms around him.

      "I love you," I tell him happily.
      He takes a deep, quick breath, and his arms wrap more around me. His lips are at my throat, and his tongue darts out as his head moves to my chin.

     There's a low moan as he kisses me, massaging my tongue with his. He's getting turned on. I can feel it. But I'm more used to that now. He's told me not to worry about it, and I've really liked how he's moved himself against me several nights. At first, I want that again right now, but it's different this time. I want more.

       Panting, I look him in the eyes and say, "I'm ready."
      "What?"
      "For... you know."
      "Are you sure?"
      I nod my head and take his hand, pulling him back into the woods. He stumbles along behind me, distracted by kissing my hand and what arm he can get to as I pull him. I'm headed back to our settlement when I pause. No. I don't want to go up there. I want more privacy.
      His old lean-to is still standing, and it's closer. I head in that direction, and he eagerly follows me.
      "Good idea," he mumbles before pulling me into another kiss. Eventually, we do make our way over to the lean-to.

      He looks down at me. "You're sure."
      Stop asking me that! The last thing I want to do is chicken out right now. "Yes."

     "You can always stop me," he says as his hand slides up the dress from my waist and cups my breast. Then his mouth attacks what he pushes out of the dress.
     It's wonderful. Rohan doesn't give me a second to think anything else but how badly I want this. In fact, he starts driving me crazy how he doesn't act hurried, like he has all day and night and then possibly the next day before he'll finally do anything about this ache that's forming. I start worrying he really intends to take that long and find myself begging.

     But no, finally he starts rocking himself into me, bit by bit. While he does this, he frequently kisses me and pulls up to watch my face. I think he's watching for signs of pain? There really isn't any, and I think I realize why he was taking so long before--at least one reason.
     Then he's pushed in all the way, and I watch as his eyes roll to the back of his head, a low moan escaping from him. After that, it's like I go on the ride of my life as that need from earlier rises to a height I would think impossible if I weren't experiencing it. The whole world explodes around us suddenly before we float back down to the ground in feathery waves.
     Rohan is still on top me, panting, occasionally kissing my neck. "I never want... anyone else... to have you."

     "I don't want anyone else," I reply.
     He kisses me. "There is something we can do about that."
     "What?"
     "Get dressed." He grins. "Unless you'd rather be naked."

     So I get up and get dressed as he recommended, and he does as well. Then he surprises me!

     "Rohan!" I start laughing with him while he carries me to the beach. He looks so happy.
     "There's something we can do. You've probably heard about it. A ceremony. With the tribe," he adjusts his hold of me as we get closer to the water, "there was someone usually performing it with the couple, but we don't have to have that in my opinion."

      "Are you talking about getting married?" Of course I've heard of this.
      He grins. "Yes. And I think... if we say vows here... even if we don't have a priest or shaman or whatever, we're standing before the god or gods as our witnesses."
      My eyes start tearing up, and he takes my hands.
      "Beautiful goddess Yadira, will you allow this humble mortal to be united with you forever, to do his utmost every day to do whatever it takes to fulfill the desires of your heart?"
      I smile, and my heart swells. "Wonderful master-craftsman Rohan, will you allow this silly little girl to be the lucky one to become your wife?"
      "Fuck, I love you." He yanks me to him and kisses me hard. Then he pulls back. "So that was a yes, correct?"
      I laugh. "Of course."

     So Rohan and I make vows to one another to have our souls united as one, to love and support each other no matter what the world throws at us.

     He's my husband, and I'm his wife.

     Life continues as if in a dream. Rohan and I speak of the future, of children, of things he wants to build. We're so happy.

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7: Goals

A/N: Rohan's bare bum later in the chapter.
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     A frustrated week later, I'm stewing in front of my fire about how nothing has happened with Yadira when I hear Sama behind me.

     "I'm ovulating." Her voice sounds so matter-of-fact as she rounds the couch.
     I turn my head and look at her, feeling zero attraction. "Sama, I'm sorry. I've thought about it, and I just--"

     "Shh. Don't say it. Please." She watches me look at her, seeing pity in my eyes. "I know you don't want me. But let's do this anyway."

     "It doesn't work like that." I back my head up when she tries to brush her thumb across my lower lip. Undeterred, she climbs on top of me anyway.

     "Close your eyes," she says quietly.
     I could decide to throw her off me. I could do it, too. No problem. But then she starts grinding her hips against me, and I've been lusting after Yadira for what feels like years. God's balls, my fucking body starts responding.
     "Think of her," she whispers. "Think of her as I take you inside me."
     I lean my head back, eyes still closed. Oh, fuck. Am I really about to do this again? I picture Yadira: her face, her eyes, her hair, the curves of her body... how badly I want her... how I wish it were she grinding atop me instead of the older, smarter woman... the woman who can't help her little cry of pain when I pierce into her. But she doesn't stop. She continues toward her goal.

    I briefly wonder where she must've read about this--because she's really not that bad.
    I won't deny how good it feels, and I open my eyes to look at her as she keeps working me.
    That was a mistake, and I quickly close them again. Yadira, my mind whispers to me. It does help.
    The woman picks up speed, and my toes curl against the floorboards. Oh, fuck! Panting, I grab the edge of the sofa, listening to the little noises she makes as we're getting close.
    Then it's done. I come inside her, and we're quiet for a moment.
    She clears her throat. "I'll go lie down on the cot for a little while to, um, make sure it... sticks." She blushes and gets off me.

     That was... interesting. How was that different from the last times I had to do that? Those other times, it felt like 'just another thing.' Not that it was bad then either. It just... it didn't matter then. I had no real lasting attachment to anyone.
     I get up. I need to go for a swim--wash myself off.

     I pick some fruit on my way back up to the settlement, and I decide to grill it. As I watch it cook, my mind wanders in a continued attempt to come to grips with myself and what happened.
     She ambushed me. I feel used, unclean, even though I just bathed in the ocean. It's not like it was my first time or even my first time being used in that way.

     But my heart didn't belong to anyone those times with the Skeeves. That's it. That's the crux of it. I want more with the young goddess Yadira. If I could ever figure out how to show her without it all self-distructing like it's done so many times I've tried, that would be a bloody miracle.
     I eat, and, still feeling unclean, I go try bathing in what might've once been a swimming pool.

     Yadira mostly uses the water for her plants, but I realize me doing a little swimming won't hurt anything. The water is actually cleaner than I expected. I hear a giggle.
     "You're swimming in that?" the most perfect voice asks, still giggling.
     I turn around and smile, my heart lifting for the first time today. "I thought I'd give it a go. It's not bad. Care to join me?"
     She giggles again.
     And then removes her outer clothing.

      I swim closer as she sits at the edge of the water. My eyes stare at her knees as I imagine parting them slowly.
      "It's got algae in it. Don't you feel dirty swimming in that?"
      "Not at all, really. I just kick it away."
      She makes a face, so to oblige her, I hop out of the water to sit next to her.

     "Oh!" She quickly looks away. "You're naked."
     I laugh, feeling lighthearted for the first time all week. "Well, why not? I wouldn't want to get my clothes all wet."
     She clears her throat and looks everywhere but at me.

     "So I've never asked," she begins, "what are the other people out there like? I mean, are they nice mostly or mean mostly?"
     I shrug. "I suppose they're just like you'd expect people to be: some are nice, some aren't."
     "Did you have any friends?"
     "A few."
     "What do you think they thought of you leaving?"
     I scratch my head and lean back, trying to catch as much of the warmth of the sun on my skin as I can. "I suppose they understood why. It really didn't look good for me with Reck doing his best to convince everyone I pushed the boy off the cliff."
    She looks down. "Did you have, um, someone that... uh..."
    My head snaps in her direction as hope rises in my chest like a million birds suddenly deciding to take flight. "Someone that what?" I urge her to continue. Someone who meant something special to me? No. Not especially. There were those I liked more than others--but never in the same way as I do her.
     She loses her nerve. "Never mind." She gets up.
     "You mean did I leave behind someone I loved?" That stops her.

     "It's nothing. Forget I asked." She starts bending down to pick up her clothes, but I have other plans.
     She didn't say that wasn't the question she was trying to ask. She would've certainly if that were true.
     I hop up, surprising her. "No. There was no one back there that I loved."

     "Rohan, you're still naked."
     "Right. So I am. And no, I didn't love anyone with the Skeeves. All that changed when I came here."
     "You realized you loved someone from your old tribe when you came here?"
     I don't know whether to scream, laugh, or cry. "No." I step towards her.
     "Then what..." Her voice trails off, and her cheeks pinken. And I can't take it anymore. I quickly pull her the rest of the way to me and claim those lips once and for all.

      She immediately stiffens in shock, and I hold her head in place, begging for a different response. No! This is all wrong! Why do I have to be such a fecking idiot? So many times I KNEW this would be a bad way to do it, yet I go and bloody well do it anyway.
     I hope speaking against her lips will help. "It's you. Of course it's you. From the moment I met you."
     Fuck! She starts shaking. My bare-ass naked self can't hide how turned on I am, and I want to punch myself in the face for scaring her. But I dare not pull away completely. I separate our lips and hold my forehead to hers while both of us work on catching our breath.
     "I... didn't mean... to kiss you like that... the first time." Fuuuuuuuuuck!
     Every inch of her burns into my skin where we touch. "Then how did you mean to do it?"
     I smile. Perhaps I can still salvage this. "Like this." And I gently touch my lips to hers. She shakes a bit again, but she's more relaxed about it as I linger. So sweet. My dick twitches.
     She quickly pulls away.

     "Wait," I beg, holding on to her. "I didn't want to scare you."
     "Then why did you do that?"
     "I can't help it." I assume she means what she felt against her. I pull her hand up to my lips and kiss it. "It's what you do to me." Then I kiss each one of her fingers in turn.
      "So it's MY fault?"
      "Fault?" I want to laugh but hold it in. This isn't perfect, but it could be worse. She could be screaming and trying to fight me off. That she's not gives me more hope than I'd dared to dream. "It's no one's 'fault.' It just happens." She won't stop looking at the ground. "Yadira, darling, will you give me a chance?" I hold her cheek in my palm, letting go of her hand. "I adore you."
      I gently tilt her face up to look at me, and I'm nervous by what I see.

6: Bliss-filled Hell

     "AGH!!!" I yell in surprised, embarrassed fright, quickly pulling my hand out of my crafted shorts. Panting, I ask, "What?"

     I'm still trying to catch my breath.
     "An owl!" Her eyes are wide in fear.
     "Okay?"
     "You don't understand. I'm terrified of owls."
     "You are?" I blink. "Why?"
     She doesn't answer. "Please, would you go and scare it away? I can't sleep if I know it's out there."
     I scratch the back of my head. "Right. Okay. I'll give it a go." Standing, but not totally upright, I vacate the sofa, and she takes my place.

     I keep my hand over the front of me, hoping she doesn't notice. She doesn't, but it's only because she's freaking out about the damn owl.

     Before I locate the owl, I hurry and 'finish myself off.' Better able to focus now, I find the nighttime nuisance. Sure enough, it's flitting around Yadira's little camp. I wonder if it has a nest nearby.
     Just in case she looks out the window, I make a show of scaring away the feathered fiend. It does fly off, but I don't know for how long. Then I return to the house.
     When I sit on the sofa, I notice she's shaking. I gently hold her shoulders.

     "Hey." I rub her arm in what I hope is a reassuring way. "It's gone, but I honestly can't say whether or not it'll be back. But even if it comes back, I don't think it'll bother you."
    "That's where you're wrong. It showed up last year. It starts acting like I'm invading ITS territory when I was there first. It likes to fly right at my hair. One time, when I was fighting with it, it scratched my arm up." She quickly shows me a small, faded scar. Then she puts her head in her hand again and sounds close to tears. "And now it's back!"
     "It'll be okay." Will it? I've always admired owls; it's why I have one with the wings spread on my back.
     "No, it won't! I even had to cut my hair last year because it kept getting in the way of me fighting it off." She sniffs.

     I reach up and touch her hair. It's as soft as rabbit's fur. Resisting the urge to put my whole face in it proves near impossible, but I somehow manage it.
    She turns her head.

     "What am I going to do?"
     The backs of my fingers now brush against her cheek, which is somehow even softer than her hair. Gods help me.
     She continues, "Normally, I'd just run off to sleep on Sama's couch, but I'm..." She looks at the fire. "She's not exactly my favorite person right now."
     My voice cracks. "Then..." I clear my throat. "Then stay here."
     She turns more around now. "Really? You don't mind?"
     If I don't kiss her soon, I'm going to spontaneously combust. "I don't mind."
     Her face and posture wilts, and she rests her head on my chest. "Thank you."
     FUCK! I scream in my head.
     "I know it sounds silly," she says, "but would you stay with me on the couch?"
     Hells yea. "Sure." Somehow we manage to get comfortable.

    And so I finally hold the goddess Yadira in my arms. All I have to do is lift her chin and tilt my head down and her mouth is mine, but she distracts me.
    "How did you get all your tattoos? Do they mean something?"
    I'd swear it sounds just like a child asking for a bedtime story, and that makes me pause my more ardent intentions. I clear my throat. "Well, the owl I have on my back I got during the war." She acts surprised I fought, and I tell her how I spent my early teen years as a nighttime sniper because of how well I could see in the dark--before the sickness changed that. "They gave me the nickname 'Hoots.' I'd almost forgotten that. It feels like a million years ago."
     "And what about here?" Her fingertips run along my chest, and I start getting hard again.
     I take a deep breath. "The tribe gave me that one and the one on my leg." Then I answer her next question. "The one on my arm is when the tribe was a street gang. It's a decorated 'S.'"

      "Hm," she exhales out her nose and totally relaxes.
      This is too perfect. It's killing me. She feels completely safe in my arms, so safe that she fell asleep. If I tried to seduce her right now, it would actually ruin this moment.
      Damn it.

      My body is furious with my mind right now. It's screaming at me just to take her, but it'll have to get over it.

     Because I want more than the blissful pleasure I can find between her legs, so I'll tolerate the hell I'm in from resisting base impulses.
     Well, maybe a little kiss? She's asleep; she won't even realize it.

     I plant a feather-soft kiss between her eyebrows.
     No. When I finally DO kiss her, I want her to realize it. I want her to want it.
     I rest my head back on the arm of the sofa and sigh, my eyes traveling over her face.
     'Sama isn't my favorite person right now,' she said.
     Fuck. What am I going to do about that?