17: The Land of Weird

Sama

     After I escaped into my house earlier, Vik didn't follow me. I suppose I can understand why. Really, how many women can say they've had a baby yet never been kissed? I didn't used to let it get to me, trying to be content with having Zane, but I was kidding myself. And earlier, I must've looked like a fool.

     I've probably scared Vik off. That wasn't what I wanted to do, but I couldn't bear feeling that stupid!

     The evening arrives, and I'm staring at the useless television set (I've only kept it in an attempt to remember life before the end of the plague) when Vik walks in.

     Oh no. Here it comes. He's finally going to figure out exactly how, in many ways, I'm nothing but a child.

     "Mind if we talk?" he asks.

     "Okay." Pause. "I mean, yes. I mean, sure, we can talk." I tense as he sits down next to me. So it's not that he didn't want to talk to me, it's that he was trying to plan ahead with this conversation first. 

     "I owe you an apology, first of all," he begins. "I honestly had no idea."

     "It's okay. How could you know?" Why do things have to be weird? I hate this. I strangely want him just to shut up and kiss me again. Then we could forget the strangeness of earlier. But I also understand and appreciate that he wants to clear the air.

     He lets out a sigh of relief. "Exactly. It's just... Are you really telling me Rohan didn't kiss you?"

     I pout. I suppose he has a right to know now. "He didn't. He didn't even want me. The only way I could make it work was to tell him to think of Yadira." It was so embarrassing then, but it's especially now that I have to retell it to Vik. "I was hoping it would only take the one time, and it did."

     He gets quiet, and I can imagine it's because he's deep in thought over what I said. My emotions start at a downward spiral. I, in essence, convinced Rohan against his will. He could've easily fought me off, and I don't know why he didn't.

     I take a breath, and, not able to stand the silence, I begin talking again. "It's just that I had a plan. There were the four of us, and I'd thought it would be smarter to..." Oh this is so awkward. "... mix our genetic material as much as possible so the next generation could have the best start possible. I doubt Rohan would've stood for a mix with Yadira and Asa, but I'd cross that bridge later if I had to." I wipe a tear away. "I know, I know. I was stupid. I'd already heard from Rohan himself that there were more people in the world, that this little scheme of mine wasn't necessary. But as far as I knew, no one else was going to show up."

     "Sama, why do you view yourself as unattractive?"

     The question takes me by surprise. It's the last thing I expected him to ask after telling him about my old plan. He must be able to read my expression because he continues.

     "I'm not concerned about the plan you just told me about. It's a very logical approach, but that's just it: logical. I admire your shrewd decision making, but how, with all your intelligence, can you not see that you are also someone to be desired?" Anger simmers behind his striking green eyes, and the effect makes my insides shudder--but not in fear. Vik is amazing. All in one person comes someone who does his best to think before acting and speaking yet I feel that is a learned response to the furiously passionate emotions brewing inside him. And right now they're brewing so closely beneath the surface that should I tap into them, I would be consumed in seconds.

      I need to answer his question. "I never..." heard anyone tell me that before. "Well, I..." never read anyone of my plain description in any of my novels. He might... He might be right? I suppose I have a nice body. After all, the baby weight came off reasonably quickly. My hips stayed wider, but he's already mentioned how he likes that. My breasts stayed bigger, but that's because I'm still nursing Zane. But they're still nice, I guess. I can't shake that my face seems plain to me, though. But maybe it doesn't matter what I think. The incredibly-hot redhead next to me thinks I'm beautiful.

      I feel like the clouds of my life have parted, letting in the sun for the first time. "You... You really think I'm beautiful?"
      He relaxes into a soft smile. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. Do you finally believe me?"
      I smile back at him. "I'm trying. It's like a completely new thing for me. I've always seen myself as plain."
      That fire burns in his eyes. "Sama, one day, I will stand you in front of a mirror and explain in great detail exactly how gorgeous you are and what you do to me, but for right now, I'd like to focus on your lips."

      I expect him to pounce like he'd done earlier today, but he doesn't. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's TOO gentle. I could easily pull away, but I don't want to. His actions don't really make sense from what I saw a moment ago in his eyes. The only explanation I can achieve is that he's trying to prove to me that he doesn't always have to be demanding. Am I weird for wanting him to be?
     Rohan and Zuri (carrying Amina) suddenly walk in, making Vik and me separate like a couple of kids caught by their parents. They see us, and they both start grinning in their own ways. I can't look to see Vik's reaction, but I feel my face burning as I get up and set out supper.
     Orion walks in when the rest of us are almost finished eating. He looks in an odd mood, and he merely thanks me and grabs something before walking out again.
     Rohan acts agitated that Yadira hasn't shown up, and he says he's going out to look for her.

     Vik helps me put away the leftovers, those that we can save, in our glorified-cupboard-that-was-once-a-refridgerator. As we do, I ponder how intertwined my family really is. I have had Rohan's child, and Zuri has had Vik's. Now Rohan and Yadira are together and Zuri and Asa are together. I presume children will come of those unions at some point. The next generation--

     Vik stops my musings. Unlike this morning, I fall right into it. In fact, I fall so into it that I want it to escalate, and he moans when I really start kissing him back. I want to rip his shirt off him. What are we waiting for anyway?
     And I can tell he wants it.

     He suddenly pulls back, panting, and I consider biting his lip. "I should go," he says quickly between breaths.
     "Why?" I see no reason why he shouldn't sleep with me.
     He winces. "It's not like I don't WANT to stay, but... the last time I just jumped in bed with a woman didn't end so well for me."
     Oh. He's afraid I'll end up pregnant.
     Maybe he's not as serious as I thought he was.
     "Okay." My face must be falling because he feels the need to continue to explain.
     "I want you to know this is more than lust, Sama. That's the only reason."
     What's the big deal? It's just sex, right?
     He leans forward and says quietly into my ear, "Tonight, I want you to think about how beautiful you are. Because I know I will."
     This is crazy. "You could stay."
     He kisses me again, hard, but I know he's not convinced. "I'll see you in the morning."

Yadira

     What is happening to me? My body's gone! I'm floating!?

     I'm flying. Weightless. A glowing speck moving quickly. So fast.

     And then I'm not.

     I don't know if I land or magically appear...

     ...wherever this is.

     Is it nighttime? Daytime? There's no sun. No moon. I don't even see any stars!

     "Hello?" My voice echos... kind of. It's weird.

     What happened to me? This is like from that book I read. Sama said it was science fiction. I didn't really understand it then, and I certainly don't understand this now.

      Am I on some kind of alien planet? Well, at least I can breathe. I look around. There's a floating island in the distance.

      Did I eat some kind of poisonous mushroom?

      Am I dead?

      Just as soon as I start to panic that I'll never see Rohan or anyone I love again, I feel myself getting whisked away once more. I sense my body this time, even if I don't feel it. It's like I materialize somewhere else, and all I can see is a hand in front of me.

     "Eat this."

     "Why?" I ask.

     Then I hear another voice; it sounds raspy and old. "She's not ready."

     The first voice speaks again. It sounds like a younger man. "Yes, she is."

      I can't turn my head, but I can move my hand to take the shiny thing. So I do. It strangely feels like a soft... nothing. I bring it up to my face.

      "Go ahead," the friendlier voice urges. "It will help you."

      EAT the shiny soft nothing? Is it even possible?

      "She doesn't know how," raspy voice says.

      What does it mean I don't know how? I'll show it!

      So I do. At first it tastes soft. Then it tastes like nothing. DID I eat it?

      "Good," the friendly voice says, and I get whisked away again.

     "Okay. This is getting old," I say to no one... or whoever is listening. I SENSE someone, or something, is nearby. Like everything else here (wherever here is), it's weird.

     So where did I get plopped down now?

       I feel drawn to a kind of glowing rock, like it's on fire. "Pretty."

       "Thank you."

       "AH!" I cry out and jump back, almost tripping on this dress I just realized I'm wearing. I don't know which to be more shocked about: my sudden makeover or the fact that a ROCK just spoke to me in my head.

       "I prefer crystal to rock if you don't mind." 

       "Okay. A rock with an attitude." I pause and then quickly correct myself. "Crystal. Sorry." Did I just apologize to a rock... crystal? 

       "Apology accepted." 

       "Um, thanks." When does it stop being weird? Maybe I'm dreaming. That's probably it. I sigh with relief. It's a dream.

        "You've eaten. Now have something to drink." 

        "Okay?" Whatever. "Where?"

        "Behind you. The fountain." Did it just point? It doesn't move, but I'm sure I sensed a pointing from it. This has got to be the most bizarre dream I've ever had.

        "Okie dokie." That's it. If this isn't a dream, I have completely lost my mind.

      The water looks clean enough. I dip my hand in it. It feels like nothing is there. Of course. Why should it? With a sigh, I gather some water, cupping my hand to bring it to my lips, but as soon as my hand leaves the water, it's empty. And dry.

       With a scowl, I try again. Nothing.

       "How am I supposed to do this?"

       "With the lily flower, of course." 

       "Oh. Right. Of course." Why not? Dream logic after all. Wearing a kind of miffed and dubious expression, I gather water in the flower. This time it doesn't disappear when I bring it away from the fountain, and I drink.

      It tastes wet. And like nothing.

      "Good." 

      Before I can respond, I'm whisked away. Again.

      Only this time I'm falling. Fast. They dropped me! I'm going to die!

      I hear my breathing. I feel sand under my feet. I'm no longer falling.

      "What was all that about?" I ask no one.

      "Go home. They need you." 

      Did the sun just talk to me? "Wait. Who are you?"

      I get no answer.

      "Hello?"

      Humph. Guess whoever it was clammed up. I look around. 'Go home,' it said. Wait. Where is that? Who needs me?

      Who am I?
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A/N: I apologize profusely about our journey into the land of weird. This has been planned since chapter 2, but more stuff than I expected got in the way. I promise I'll try to keep the weirdness down to a minimum. Well, I'll try.

16: Love Language

Vik

      I can't win. I did nothing wrong. Well, mostly. I suppose I might've done SOMETHING wrong. I'm lost as to what, though, and with the lack of anyone else to talk to about it, I turn to Zuri for advice.

      She, of course, is thrilled I came to her for relationship advice, exclaiming how happy she is in her high-pitched, schoolgirl way. I fight back my eye-roll.

      "You have to learn to 'speak her language,'" she advises, not helping.

      "What are you talking about? Of course I speak her language."

      I used to think it was neat how the dumbest things could be funny to her. It was lust, nothing more. Now, her laugh is annoying.

      "I'm not talking about English." She giggles again. "No no no no no. I mean her," she thinks, "her love language."

      "I have absolutely no clue what you're talking about." If I weren't so irritated, I might be able to figure it out.

      "They are the little things that are how a person shows love and how they receive love the best. It could be words. Or touching. Or gifts. Or maybe some combination or something like those. Once you figure that out, it makes someone much easier to win."

      I scowl for two reasons. One: this explains to me more how Zuri thinks with that whole 'winning' thing. Two: what she said makes sense.

      She smiles and pats my arm. "You'll figure it out."

      I nod thoughtfully as she giggles at me and saunters off. Well, Sama wouldn't let me kiss her, but does that rule out touching? I tried to tell her WITH WORDS how beautiful she is, and she didn't believe a word of it. I sigh. I guess gifts is worth a try. 

      After rummaging around the stuff from the mainland and changing my clothes, I find something I was going to give her anyway. I may as well try to make a production of it. I smirk. I even have the perfect box. 

     I catch her as she leaves her house. "Here," I say awkwardly. "I, er, got you something."

     At least she smiles. "Vik, what is this?"

     "Just open it."

     She does, and she smiles in a very surprised way when she sees the knit top and pants. Like I said, I was going to give it to her anyway. The days are getting shorter and colder at an almost-alarming rate. In fact, today is a bit too cold for her to be wearing what she's wearing. Not that I mind.

      After some urging on my part, she dashes inside to go try them on.

     She looks beautiful. I'd not known she'd had warmer shoes, and I'm glad when I see them.

     A smile blesses her face. "I feel so... so... normal!" She giggles. "I look like I'm ready to go off to college."

     Honestly, I'd rather see her with much less clothing, but at least the top isn't so bulky that it would hide her curves. I'm glad it doesn't.

       "You look beautiful," I tell her honestly and dare her to contradict me.

       Her expression certainly does, but instead of outright arguing with me, she says, "The sleeves are a little short."

       "No they're not. I bet they're supposed to be like that."

       "They ARE too short. Look." She holds up her wrist then gasps when I grab it and kiss the inside of it.

       "I like it short then. I'm telling you, you look beautiful."

     "Vik, stop it." She doesn't look angry. More sad than anything. That almost makes ME angry.

     "No. I'm not going to stop saying it. Not at least until you believe me." I shrug. "And I probably won't stop saying it then either."

     "It's not very nice."

      What the fucking hell? "How is it not nice?"

      "Because you're lying."

      I have to take a deep breath to control the immediate anger. "I'm. Not. Lying."

      "Stop feeling like you have to tell me that. I'm not one of those women who has to hear it."

      "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you like me, right?" I'm determined to kiss her this time. She was a little too good at getting away from me the last times I tried. I'm going to have to surprise her.

      After biting her lip for half a second, she answers, "Yes."

      "Then you're just going to have to get over it, Sama. I say you are. Don't insult my intelligence." I pounce before she can try and duck away again.

      I have to hold the back of her head while she makes a startled noise, realizing her escape attempt didn't work. Then she hits my back with the heel of her hand. But her lips are kissing me. With anyone else, I wouldn't dare try this, but I think I've figured out I have to fight Sama for Sama.

      Maybe her love language is fighting. That thought cracks me up, and I start laughing into her mouth. Even though milliseconds ago she'd started to soften, she stiffens up again and makes an angry noise.

     She quickly pulls back even though I still hold onto her. "You ass! You're laughing at me?"

     "Only because you're so fucking wonderful." I reclaim her mouth, and she hits my back again. But she doesn't jerk back even though she's proven she can.

      She wants me to fight for her; good thing I've figured out I'm the sort of man who loves that.

      It's wonderful. She kisses me back even though I can tell she's still nervous. Well, that part's not wonderful. The fact that I found her is wonderful.

      IS it nerves? Why? It's like she's never been kissed before. I can't stand not knowing, so I let up on her.

      She must be able to read my expression. "Vik, you can't just... KISS me like that."

      "Why not?" I watch her face get rosier. "It's not like it was your first kiss."

      She attempts to step away, looking down in an embarrassed way. What? Shit! 

      With a slow nod, she replies, "And my second."

      "But... How? I mean... You have Zane!" Is she trying to tell me Rohan didn't kiss her?

      She pulls away, taking advantage of my shock. "I don't want to talk about it." She backs up. "I was stupid." Then she turns and dashes into her house, leaving me standing here completely gobsmacked.

Orion

      I'm out clearing an area that would make a good off-site settlement (at least that's how Sama puts it) when I see a flash of white in my peripheral vision. Turning my head, I see it's Yadira. She doesn't know I'm here. I'm guessing she's collecting herbs; plenty of useful ones grow at the cliff's edge.

     She's wearing a dress Rohan made for her from a sail. He designed it to have a very low V in the front, on purpose of course, and I must admit, I'm grateful for my own sake.

     I call out her name, not wanting to be accused of sneaking up on her.

     Please, don't be an idiot, I beg myself.

      To answer her look, I say, "I was working in this site just now. I saw ye an' decided it would be rude not to say anything."

      I don't think I'll be able to avoid being an idiot completely. The fact that I know hers and Rohan's relationship is strained doesn't help me. Well, maybe it does, but I'm afraid I'll bungle this whole thing up. I can't just NOT speak to her, though.

      She's on her guard. "Sometimes it's best if things remain unsaid."

      I let out a nervous laugh. "Well, I still wanted to come an' talk to ya."

      "You've been doing nothing but try to wreck my relationship with Rohan. I don't have to listen to what you say."

      "Not even if I've come t'apologize?"

      She pauses.

     I take this chance. "Believe me, Yadira. I had no intention of hurtin' yer feelin's. I hated that. Please forgive me." I fight hard to keep my eyes on her face.

      She's quiet for a moment before she asks, "And?"
      I blink. "And what?"
      "And are you sorry for saying my marriage isn't real."
      Here we are. Time to be a complete arse. "I'm not... sorry for that."
      "How can you say that? Of course we're married!"

       "There was no one officiating. Therefore, it's not official." I glance down; I can't help myself.
       "Well, what else were we supposed to do? We didn't exactly have that option."
       I hold up my hands. "Oh sure, I understand what yer sayin'. And I think, seriously, that it's sweet how ye two said vows to one another, but in the real world, that doesna hold water."
       She folds her arms and looks away. That act pushes her breasts together.
       I step a tiny bit closer and say quietly, "Ye know I'm right. It's how it's always been. Sure, the world is different now, but--"
       "I don't remember anything of the world before." She sees I've gotten closer and takes a step back.

      "You don't?" I'm surprised. "Nothing?" Reality starts slamming into me with the force of two freight trains colliding. She remembers nothing because she was too young. That puts her at... fuck! I knew she was young, but I'd thought maybe twenty, not that she looked it, but... whoa.
      While my thoughts swirl in my mind, she's explaining how she was only maybe two at the end of the plague when Asa found her. The plague was about a decade and a half ago. That puts Rohan about ten years older than her, and me... I'm far too close to twice her age.

      She keeps talking while my conscience tries to destroy me. "I know the world used to have lots and lots of people in it, but where were we going to find anyone to do that? We certainly couldn't sail off to the Skeeves." No, I never want Reck to so much as glance at her. "So why can't you just let it go?"

     "Because I adore you, Yadira!" I pronounce as clearly as possible. "Isn'n it plainly obvious?" Our ages be damned. I hate how she backed away some more, putting her hand on my arm, probably seeing my intent to wrap it around her.
     "I didn't think you'd actually say it," she replies quickly and quietly.
     "What would've happened had ye met ME first?" If I'd known such an angelic creature existed and all I had to do was cross the ocean to find her, I would've swam across if there were no other way. I know it may sound childish, but it's not FAIR that Rohan got to her first, that Rohan was the 'new and interesting person.'
     "I... I don't know."
     That's all I needed to hear. If she'd even hinted that there still would've been nothing between us, I'd go off somewhere with a broken heart, but that's not what she implied. I am now desperate to wrap my arms around her.
     She bolts. For half a moment, I consider letting her go, but I can't leave this scene like that. I charge after her and catch up with her in the abandoned site, grabbing her and spinning her around to face me. In her fear, she tries to lash out at me.
      "I'm not gonna hurt ya."

      "Then why are you trapping me?" Her expression rips me in two.
      "I dinna want this conversation to end like that." I take a few breaths. "I canna bear you hatin' me."

      "I don't hate you, but you're not making it easy for me."
      Leave her be, Orion. No. I can't. If I do, I'll always wonder 'what if' until it drives me mad. I whisper, "I'm sorry to do this to ya."
      I look into her eyes, and I see the anguish of a young woman who doesn't understand herself. She sees the honest sympathy in mine, and she collapses into her hands.

       I hold her shoulders while she cries, but what I really want to do is coil my whole self around her to protect her from... men just like me. How's that for irony? I don't want to do this to her, but I more don't want to leave this avenue unexplored.
      "You know," she sniffs, "when you first got here, I thought you were the funniest-looking, strangest, most unattractive man I'd ever seen."
      I softly chuckle in spite of everything. I DID look quite a sight.
      She continues, "But then you were REALLY GOOD at telling a story, even if you were being an ass to Rohan when you told them."
      Jealousy. Plain and simple. I rub her arms in a comforting way. Fuck, her skin is so soft, and I'd not realized my face was resting on her hair until I move. It's all I can do not to moan.
     "And then you were an ass to ME, telling me my marriage wasn't real. Real or not, I love him."
     "I love you," I whisper.
     She moves her hands so she can hit my shoulder, but it feels to me like about as much force as a puppy might use. "Why did you have to ask me that?"

      I finally touch her face. She's so perfect that there are moments when I wonder if she's even real. "Ask you what?"
      "The 'what if I met you first' thing."
      My other hand starts running through her fantastic hair. "Because it's something I often wonder."
      "Well I hadn't... until you asked that. Now you're making me question everything. And that's not very nice of you."
       I need her lips on mine, and I wrap my arm around her waist in preparation. "Sorry for being an arse."
       She realizes my current goal, and her eyes widen. "I can't cheat on Rohan."

      I'm millimeters from her lips. "It's only cheating if you kiss me back." If someone had told me when I woke up this morning that I would finally be kissing the lovely Yadira, I would've laughed in his or her face. But the fact is, I am. I have to hand it to her, she tries not to kiss me back. I don't mind. I can do plenty of kissing for the both of us.

       I pull up slightly, opening my eyes just enough. Her quick breath comes out in swift, little breezes of air, her lips slightly parted. She thinks I'm done. Not yet.
      My jaw pressed against her, I open hers and kiss her harder, taking temporary ownership of this beautiful woman's mouth. She lets out a precious sound of futility. She may call me funny-looking, but now she also knows I can kiss like a raging thunderstorm. I have no idea whether or not she kisses me back; I won't give her a chance.
      Her moan is begging me in the most adorably pitiful way for me to stop. She fought so hard not to kiss me back, and she mostly succeeded.
      I've pushed too far already, so I stop, keeping my arms around her for now.

       Leave him. We'll move here. It's a decent structure. I'll give you the child Rohan hasn't. I'm twice the man he is.
      "Whatever it is you're thinking, I can't." She shakes her head no. "I love him."
       So I haven't won... yet.

Yadira

      This is too much. Orion is too intense. I think I may have actually kissed him back for moment, and I feel terrible that I let any of it happen in the first place. My head is still spinning that it happened at all. It was that damn 'what if' question.

      "Okay," he whispers. I expect him to let go, but he doesn't.

      He does allow ME to step back, though, and I do. So why do I feel guilty for stepping away from him? It's almost the same level of guilt that I kissed him. Or allowed him to kiss me. I'm so confused!

      I have to put distance between us. Now.

      I feel like the lowest, rotting piece of scum on the planet. How could I let that happen!? And it's making me question how I feel about Rohan. That shouldn't happen!

      I just need a little clarity. I stop at the water's edge and stare out over the sea.

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A/N: BTW, it's not aliens. I just borrowed their SpFX.

15: Mother

Rohan

     The temperature has cooled somewhat since we brought the boxes up from our mainland expedition. Both Orion and Asa have turned in, but Vik and I are still up. I turn to him to bid him goodnight.

      It was a long day. "Good day today, right? I'll see you in the morning." Before I turn around, he stops me.

      "I was hoping if I could talk to you about something."

      "Sure?" I wonder if this has to do with the guns. I don't mind training Asa if that's what he's on about.

      "It's about Sama," he answers to my expression.

      "Oh." 

      He doesn't say anything else immediately, just standing there watching me.

      I can't take the silence. "What did you want to know?"

     He takes a breath. "Well, for lack of a better term, you're her 'baby daddy,' correct?"

     "Er... right. I suppose you could say that." I don't have much to do with Zane; he's a strain on my relationship with Yadira. Not that I don't care for him, but he's not my first priority.

     "So be honest with me, did you just... try out both women and decide which one you liked better?" His nostrils flare out.

     "What? No. I've only wanted Yadira from the moment I met her."

     His anger suddenly skyrockets.

      "So you just USED her? So even though you didn't really want her, you thought you'd wet your dick one more time before getting with the one you really wanted?"

      Whoa. I'd heard of Vik's infamous temper before, but I'd not been witness to it and certainly not been its recipient. I'm reminded of the time Reck came to me complaining about him.

      One thing IS for sure, though, I will not be spoken to like that.

      "You hold it before you go jumping to conclusions. Sama came to ME, saying she wanted a child. I told her I wasn't interested, but she convinced me anyway. This was NOT my idea." I'm ready to punch him if he decides to pin more blame on me and start yelling again. I'll show I'm not to be bullied. I'm not having another Reck.

     He glares at me, seeing I'm ready to strike, but he continues with his interrogation. "So she came to you," he states the question.

     "Right." My fist remains clenched, and my heart races. He's stopped glaring, so I pause in my intention to punch his jaw.

      "Was she in love with you?"

      Now he's accusing me of breaking her heart? "No, gods dammit. And she never acted like she was. She told me she wanted that before anything got started with me and Yadira. She probably would've asked Asa next, but she wasn't, isn't, interested in either of us." My fist relaxes, and I work at catching my breath, a realization finally taking hold. Fecking hell. Is THAT was this is all about? "No, mate. She's interested in YOU."

     That totally shocks him.

     "You think so?" He's gone from super-angry to very unsure of himself in a matter of moments, all because of what I told him.

      All the same, I don't want to put words in Sama's mouth. "If she's interested in anyone, it's you." At least, if what I saw of her staring at him meant what it looked like it meant, she is. I feel my lips quirk. "One thing I CAN tell you is I've never seen Sama so eager to do laundry than when you were building the forge."

     That makes him stand taller. "Really."

     I grasp his shoulder and nod. He takes a breath and nods back at me, then he walks to the door, taking his shirt off as he goes, and placing it on a nearby shelf.

Sama

     When the guys arrived back at the island, I was so relieved I could cry. Then, I almost did cry when Orion laughingly handed me a box of books, jokingly saying he thought I could use a few more.

     I get Zane to go to sleep, and I pick one out of the box. It's a cookbook, but most of the recipes I can't do. We have no flour. Oh, how I'd love to have some kind of grain!

    Vik walks in, and I stop paying attention to the book, even though my eyes remain on it. He's acted really moody this past week, and I've unhappily avoided him. I miss the days when I could covertly watch him work.

     What is he doing here? "Hello," I say, not looking up.

     "Hi," he replies and walks over to me. Then he sits down.

      He doesn't speak after that, merely acting like he's trying to calm his breathing. I wish he would tell me why he's here. Oh, my imagination can come up with some reasons, many of them in line with some girlie fantasies. Who knew I could be a romantic? Perhaps those novels struck more of a chord than I first figured.

      I reach up to turn a page, keeping up the pretense of reading. My eyes dart down and over to him frequently. He was wearing a shirt earlier when he arrived back at the island. He must be getting ready to go to sleep because it's off now.

      What was the heroine's name in that book? Oh yeah. Erienne. What a pretty name. And it was so entertaining how the love of her life spent most of the novel getting on her last nerve, even though she was inexplicably attracted to him. When they FINALLY got over themselves and admitted to the other one how they felt, it was explosive in the best way possible. I sigh happily.

     That gets Vik's attention, and I see out of the corner of my eye when he turns to look at me. I do my best to pretend to be REALLY INTERESTED in the mostly-useless cookbook. Honestly, I'd love to make this fish recipe, but I don't have any paprika.

     Is he wanting me to put the book down? 

     He takes in and lets out a deep breath as he looks straight ahead again. I can't possibly gauge his mood other than pensive, but he's frequently pensive.

     His fingers lightly tap on his legs, and I can't take it anymore. I put the book down at my feet.

     "Is there something you wanted to discuss?" I do my best to keep my tone light.

     "Yes," he finally speaks.

     "Well, I'm listening."

     "I wanted to report to you that our expedition went incredibly well." His eyes have the barest trace of a smile.

     "That's good." Oh. He's 'reporting to the leader.' That's all. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

      "We did. And more. You saw the guns, right?"

      I look at my lap. "Yes." And they scared the dickens out of me. I understand their necessity, but they're like a relic from a bad dream.

      "Good. Because I want to let you know that they work. And we have ammo." He pauses. "I think I smelled what might've been the tiger, Sama." To my horrified expression, he continues, "That's why I wanted to point out the guns work. We were alert, but we didn't find much of a trace of it, or them."

     The idea that I could've lost any or all of the guys terrifies me. "It's not safe over there, then!" I don't want them going back.

     He reads my expression. "We need to go back there, Sama. There's so much more we didn't explore. There are so many other things we could find."

     "You mean like a pride of tigers."

     "We're hunters! So I'll bring back a tiger pelt. You can use it like a rug and stomp all over the damn thing every day if you like."

      I don't like this! What if something happens to one of them? What if something happens to HIM? "We've lived on this island for more than a decade without going over to the mainland. We don't need those things. What if something happened to you?"

      "You're not my mother!" He immediately closes his eyes like he regrets his words.

       "I'm sorry. Of course you're not, and you're not saying you are. I just..." His voice trails off, and he wipes his hand down his face. "I'll speak with you tomorrow." He gets up and storms out. The door slams, and Zane wakes up screaming.

       Sighing, I get up to feed him a little, just to calm him down. About a minute goes by, and Vik charges back inside, looking like he's about to explode. He immediately deflates when he sees I have one half of my shirt pulled up to nurse Zane.

       His face tries to match the shade of his hair. "Sorry. I'll..." He looks at the couch and then the door and then the couch again.

       I smirk. Men. "Go ahead and have a seat. He won't take long to calm down."

     He sits on the couch and looks everywhere but at me or keeps his eyes closed.

     I decide to have a little fun with him. "It's just breastfeeding, Vik."

     "No, it's... I mean..." His face reddens again. It's so cute.

     "It's the most natural thing in the world." I kiss my baby's forehead. He's getting sleepy again.

     Vik puts his head in his hands, looking at the floor.

      I push a little harder. "Am I so repulsive to you that you cannot abide me breastfeeding in front of you?" I use his own words against him, changing the context of course.

      "What?" He pops his head up and looks at me, at my face mostly, but his eyes dart down a few times.

       I smile, and Zane falls asleep. Sticking my pinky in his mouth makes him let go, and I lean over to put him back in his crib. Vik adjusts his position on the couch. I fix my shirt on the way back to my seat.

      Is he pouting? "Why would you think I see you as repulsive?" he asks.

      Does he even remember how I closely matched his words? I'VE certainly thought about them a lot this past week. But I have to match this moment or it won't make sense to him. "Because you were looking everywhere but at me."

      "You had your shirt pulled up. I was trying to be polite."

      "I was breastfeeding!"

      "And I was jealous of the baby." His face turns scarlet yet again, and he looks away. Then his head goes into his hand. "That's not to say..." He sighs. "Shit."

      I start giggling. I don't know what comes over me. I must be tired. But I can't get the image of breastfeeding Vik out of my head. A grown-ass man with a full beard no less!

       He turns his head and scowls at me, probably thinking I'm laughing AT him.

       "Oh, don't be upset, Vik. I'm laughing at the picture in my mind. Not at you."

     "What picture in your mind?"

     I giggle. "Because you're a grown man."

     "And?" When I don't say anything, he scoots closer. "You think I don't have fantasies?" Then he unabashedly looks at my breasts.

      His eyes slowly travel up my neck back to my face.

      I have to keep my wits about me now. There's no doubt he's flirting this time, but I refuse to be played. "You have fantasies about breastfeeding." It's more a statement than a question.

      The corners of his mouth lift. "Well, maybe not so much the 'feeding' part. That's just a bonus."

      He still hasn't said anything about me specifically, and I have no idea what to say to his last statement.

      "What, no more giggling now?"

      "I'm trying to determine your motivation," I reply honestly.

      "Really? Because I feel like an open book. And you like to read."

      "Surely it seems that way to YOU, but I have no idea if I should be reading anything between the lines."

      "It's all there. Read as much in between the lines as you like, Sama, because if what you're reading is the fact that I'm crazy about you, you'd be right."

      My mouth drops in shock that he actually said it, and I lean away from his attempt to kiss me so that I can ask, "For how long?"

      He lets out a short laugh in a sort of exasperated way, if such a thing is possible. "What do you mean 'for how long'? I don't know. The moment I met you? When I followed you up the hill the first time? When I'd taken forever building the forge because you kept distracting me with your hypnotic hips? Certainly before then."

      "My... my what?"

      Understanding enters his eyes. "Holy shit. You REALLY don't know, do you?"

      I am the tiniest bit pissed off, but curiosity wins out. "Know what?"

      "You're fucking beautiful."

      Nope. I don't believe it. He tries to kiss me again, but I once more move out of the way.

      "Sama..." he pleads.

      "You don't have to lie to me. You can say you like how I'm smart. You can say you like that I'm this 'leader' person you say I am. You can even say how you might like how I can make you angry at the drop of a hat, but don't lie to me and say I'm beautiful. Because it's not true." I quickly get up off the couch and storm upstairs.