23: Damaged

Rohan

     "Leave," I tell the worthless bastard. "You've done enough damage for one night." My throat still hurts from where he clipped me with his arm, but I'm ignoring it.

     I've never trusted the pile of garbage after I saw the way he looked at Yadira that first day, and ever since Yadira's mysterious loss of memory, I've kept a close eye on her, wondering if he'd try to take advantage of the situation--since she has no memories of me either.

      I'm not quite sure how he managed it, but he'd somehow seduced her to the point that he looked like he was ready to carry her off, even though she told him 'this isn't right.'

      Before she'd said that, I'd worried I'd somehow lost her, that she preferred him over me. After all, the first thing I saw when I'd rounded the corner was HER kissing HIM. And after all that with her assuring me she knew she loved me. Then what was that then?

      In my turmoil of emotions, hearing her say that and trying, not very hard mind you but still trying, to push him away made up my mind: It's mostly his fault.

      And, I admit, on a much more primal level, I was seeing red that he was trying to seduce MY woman. I wasn't going to stand for it.

     Of course I couldn't fight him. He was a bloody foot soldier for fuck's sake. Before that, he took part in a sort of street fighting tournament that was popular with our lot for a time.

     But when Yadira called him something, some other name, he paused in shock. I took that moment to start pounding him.

     Then the bastard gave me a look like he was about to try for the pity card should he 'let me' beat him up. There was no way I could win! ... until Yadira wrapped her arm around me.

     I won anyway.

     "Rohan, please." I'm brought back to the present moment, and I tighten my arms around my beautiful wife.

       "Shhhhhhhh," I croon her as I stroke her hair. Her crying has progressed to the hiccuping stage, and it breaks my heart.

       She won't stop trying to apologize, her words stuttering as she tries to get them out. "I-I d-don't know h-how I c-could le-et that ha-appen. Ple-ease do-on't hate me-e."

       "Never. Please stop crying." I honestly don't know why I'm not upset with her. Takes two to tango, as they say. Maybe if she had her memories, this would be rougher on me, but I KNOW Orion was using the situation to his advantage, also using her lack of experience as he probably flooded her with more than she could withstand. It was her trying to pull away that sold me on that fact. Of course, everything she's crying/mumbling/sobbing out to me also helps me to understand.

      "I wa-as trying to-o avoid hi-im, but it di-didn't work. I'm s-sorry."

      "Yadira, shh. Calm down. I don't hate you; I could never, ever hate you. I'm not mad at you." I could kill Orion, though. "Calm down, and we can talk." She starts up what might be another wail, but I stop her. "No. Shh. It'll be okay. I love you."

      After we stand here for several minutes, me stroking her hair and rocking us back and forth, her breathing finally returns to normal.

      "How can you say it'll be okay?" she asks sadly.

      I lightly shrug. "Because I love you, and I want it to be."

      "How can you say you love me when you don't even know me?"

      "What? What are you talking about?"

     She lifts her head, and I look into her reddish eyes as they swim with more tears. "How can you claim to know me when I'm not even me anymore?"

     "How can you ask that? And of course you're you."

     She shakes her head no. "I've been told things as YOU remember them. I have no idea what I was thinking during those moments. All I can do is guess."
      "Yadira, you're you. When something happens, you react exactly like you would have before."
      Her face crumples up. "React? Like before? Rohan, he... He said he kissed me right before I lost my memories."

      "What?" I gasp out. I feel like I'm falling into a deep pit, so deep that I'll break every bone in my body when I hit the bottom. Wasn't I just thinking how it would've been worse had this happened before she lost her memories?
      She must not like the look on my face because she tries to back away, but all that does is make me tighten my grip on her. "Rohan, I didn't kiss him back."
     "How do you know?" I ask even though I can guess the answer.
     "He told me." Yes, of course he told her, which makes the fact that she didn't kiss him back all the more believable. "He's been chasing me ever since, but I was trying to avoid him."
      No, he's been chasing her for longer than that. Wait... she was trying to avoid him on her own, meaning she's known for a while what happened. Ever since... When after she lost her memories would he have told her this? "There was a time between then and now? How often has this happened? And why didn't you tell me about it?"
      She looks like she's about to burst into tears again. "This was his third attempt, and I didn't tell you because... because I was trying to figure out what I was going to do."
      I let go of her, more like jerk back away from her. Did someone just run me through? I clutch at my chest because of how badly it hurts. Why did she have to try to 'figure out' what to do? As if she had to consider whether or not she'd chose him? I take a couple steps away from her.
      "Rohan, please!" She closes the distance and puts her hand on my chest.

      I almost wrap my arms around her again, but I can't bring myself to do it.
      "Please don't hate me. I can't stand it. I was so confused!"
      Is this why we still haven't made love? She didn't want to while she was still considering being with Orion?
      "I had nothing to go on other than emotions." She kisses me but gets no response.
      She didn't help her case just now. Emotions. Yes, including emotions she felt for him. Her words stab me again. I put my hand between us.

      "Stop," I tell her in a plain voice. I put my finger on her perfect lips. "Just... stop."
      "Rohan?" Her beautiful eyes open in a worried question.
      "You were going on emotions? Then why were you kissing him just now?" Orion had better keep far away from me. But I want to know the answer to my question from Yadira.
      "I don't love him."
      "That isn't what I asked." Even though it's still nice to hear.
      "I don't know. He drew me in. I wasn't thinking clearly. Please, Rohan. It's killing me that I hurt you. I love YOU."
      My finger has brushed aside, so she kisses me again.

      She keeps lightly kissing me, pulling back each time. Fuuuuuck. She's pressed against me, tempting me like a siren. Damn it all. I can deal with the rest later. Right now, I have to fucking kiss her senseless.

     She makes a startled noise from the sudden ferocity of my kiss. This is what you wanted, right? If kissing is what she's asking for, she'll get it.
     Fuck! I can't get that image out of my mind! She was kissing him! How can she do that and then say she loves me? It's... it's... cruel! Why did she have to do that? Why did she need to kiss someone else?
    She whimpers because I'm being brutal, and I hate myself for it. Tears escape my eyes. The woman I love betrayed me. And here I thought I was winning her heart all over again, yet she was being happily seduced by a jackass. Is a jackass really what she wants?
     I picture in my mind how I could maybe change for her. I could be like he is. I could seduce her past where she's comfortable and make her think it was her idea. It's not like I haven't wanted to. It's true that I fucking want her. In fact, I want her right now, pain and anger included. It's what she wants, right? I could live with myself that it won't be as pure and loving as I want it to be. Couldn't I?
    My emotions take a nose dive. I find the bottom of the proverbial pit I was falling into earlier, and I'm in agony. A sob escapes me. I can't do it. Call me a fool, but I can't do it. I really fucking love her, and I don't WANT to be a jackass. I break from the kiss. I have no idea what expression I wear when I look down at her.
     "Rohan, I'm so sorry."
     For a moment, I think about walking away from her right now. What if, after everything, she still wants him? What if I've lost everything with her losing her memories and she thinks she wants him even after I work to try and restore what we had? Better to walk away now, right? But I can't lose her! I go right back to how I was holding her before.

     She doesn't resist me clutching at her while tears stream down my face.
     Calm down, you idiot, I tell myself. Think about what she told you: the first time, before she lost her memories, she was basically attacked and didn't kiss him back. Next, she'd lost her memories and didn't know what to do. Then, she decided what to do but didn't know how to handle it, so she avoided him--or tried to. After that, the sonofabitch used every weapon he could against her, and she made a mistake. And she realized it was a mistake and was beginning to try to get him to stop. I have to believe she was about to fight him harder than that.
     And she chose you. I let in the closest thing to a full breath in what feels like ages. More crying escapes as I let it out.
     "I love you, Yadira," I tell her and kiss her hair. I want what we had before, and we got there because I was patient. However, I didn't have to worry about an asshole lurking around every corner back then. But I'll be damned if I'm going to give up.
     She starts quietly crying again. "I'm so sorry."
     "I know." I take a breath. "But it hurts."
     "What can I do?"
     "Forgive me for being an ass just now." That violent kiss didn't help me prove I'm better than he is.
     "You're allowed to be angry."
     "But I'm not allowed to take it out on you like that."
     "It's okay, Rohan."
      I get quiet and hold her, thinking about how it's not okay. But there's not much more than can be done right now. We'll just have to work through it. Oh, and banish Orion. That'll help.

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Hi there! I stopped publishing this on Blogger; although, I do check the Blogger site frequently as I use it to write the chapters (then they get altered once I transfer them to WordPress--editing). To keep from having to go back and forth editing both sites, I completely switched to WordPress for this one.

Go to the next chapter by clicking HERE. And thank you for reading!

22: Alone

A/N: The stupid game update made it to where a few of my doors and every single one of my CC windows don't work, so things won't match what they were before (or will be, depending on when the pics were shot). I guess chalk it up to more improvements to the settlement. /sigh.

Orion

      Now that Vik moved in with Sama, he went ahead and destroyed the rest of the aircraft, him no longer needing the cabin to use as a makeshift house.

     Rohan has a good idea: We need to build tunnels, underground rooms. They could be used as a cellar if nothing else.

     A few days after phase one of the cellars is complete, Rohan pulls me aside, wanting me to see something.

     I smirk at his outfit when I see it. He still likes to make his own clothes when he can. He pulled that leather from some furniture we found on the mainland. The furniture was too big to lug back to the island, but Rohan stripped it of its leather.

     "Asa and I have constructed something I'd like you to see," Rohan says, leading me in the direction of the cellar.

      "Do Vik an' Sama know?"

      "It was Vik's idea."

      So I'm the last to know. Good to know where I stand. 

      We get down into the cellar, and my mouth drops. There is fencing and doors with locks where there used to be only rooms. "What the bloomin' hell is this then?"

      "They're holding cells. We can use them for storage for when we don't need them."

      "An' when exactly do we plan on needin' 'em?"

      "This is all part of Vik's defensive plan."

      "Why am I just now seein' all this?" My tone heavily implies how I don't like being left out of things.

      "Look, mate, he asked me to ask you to give me a tour of the traps you've created at the beaches, so don't act like you're the only one kept in the dark."

      I suddenly smile.

      Yes, I'd LOVE to 'show' you the traps. And how to trip them. When it comes to Yadira, Rohan is beating me at every turn. I can't blooming help it if he gets to sleep with her every night. Even worse, she's avoiding me, making it impossible for me to get her alone. So, yes, I'd love to 'show' Rohan the traps.

     "Fine, fine. Meet me at sunup and we'll have a little tour."

     He agrees, and he shows me how the cell doors lock and unlock, a rather ingenious design that Vik invented. It doesn't need keys, but it's impossible to unlock from the other side. Rather tricky if you ask me. The doors, at least, have a sturdy safety on them so we don't accidentally lock ourselves inside.

     The settlement is changing daily.

     The biggest change is the lack of the ruined buildings. The ones in the worst condition were torn down, and we piled the bricks where the structures once stood. Vik happily gathered the steel rebar, which probably contributed greatly to the fencing, doors, and locks in the cellar.

     Speaking of gathering, we have made many more trips to the old town and brought back loads upon loads of supplies and useful items (including chickens!). We've turned what Asa used to live in into a storage facility.

     And with not knowing what else to do with herself, Yadira has discovered she's rather gifted with cataloguing and organizing everything. So with Rohan discussing with Asa about more work to be done with the cellar, I know exactly where to find her--alone.

      She looks so beautifully ridiculous that I want to melt when I see her. That dress is too big for her. The sleeves keep falling off her shoulders, one at a time, and she's constantly fixing them. The scarf or handkerchief in her hair makes her look like a peasant, which she is anything but.

      "Hello, Benjamin," she says with a little smile, looking at me like she can see into my very soul.

      "Evenin', lovely Yadira. I was wonderin' if I could talk wiv ye for a bit." Even in those rags, she takes my breath away.

      Her small smile turns to a look of worry. I knew it. She's been avoiding me.

      "I... I really should go see if Sama needs help with--"

      "Have ye been avoidin' me?" I interrupt.

      She pauses, so I continue.

      "I've been tryin' to catch ye alone so we could chat."

      Her eyes dart around for a moment, almost like she's devising an escape route. "What about?"

      "What 'about'? How can ye ask such a thing? About US." I should've been more persistent. I should've found a moment or ten when I could literally snatch her away from her duties so that I could remind her of how she feels about me, of how I feel about her. But we've all been so busy thanks to Vik's paranoid delusions. Well, maybe not delusions. It's probably a good idea to have defenses in place. While we've been digging and building and demolishing, Yadira has never been alone.

      She sighs. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have strung you along like this, but I can't do this. I don't know WHAT the old me was thinking getting myself tangled up in this mess. I never should've led you to believe--"

     I interrupt again. "Led me to believe? Led me to believe... the truth?"

     Her posture stiffens. "The truth is I am married to Rohan."

     I am more than ready for this debate.

      The sun hides behind clouds on its journey to the horizon, and I take a breath, prepared to once and for all shred her declaration. "Ye already know how I feel about that. I don't count it as real. But even if, let's say, ye WERE, then why are ye married wi' feelin's fer another man?"

      She takes a step back, and I stand my ground. "I love Rohan. My heart tells me I always have."

      "An' what does yer heart have to say about me?" She's lying if she says she feels nothing, and I'll happily prove it to her otherwise should she do so.

      "I... I LIKE you, Benjamin. But you have to stop this. I don't know why you affect me the way you do, but I'm no longer going to act on it." She tries to stand taller. "I'm not attracted to you; I'm sorry."

      WHAT? In my momentary shock, she manages to slip past me, but only just so. I grab her wrists and turn her around to face me. "Yadira--"

      "Let me go!" She's terrified. Dammit.

      I immediately let go of her wrists, but instead, I gently caress her face. She pauses.

      She's shaking, and I imagine she's like a small rabbit caught by a fox. She refuses to look into my eyes. "I don't want to hurt your feelings," she whispers.

      I continue stroking her cheek. "Then don't."

      "You have to stop this. You have to let it go."

      "I canna. If I could, I would, but I canna. I have never met nor will I ever meet anyone else like you. Yer worth fightin' for... so much so that I would continue until my dyin' breath."

      "No," she whispers like she's willing it to be untrue.

      "Ye know it's true. If ye would but give me a chance, I could show ye just how deeply I love you." I watch her close her eyes. My voice drops to a whisper. "Just a chance, Yadira. Let me." I tilt her chin up.

     Yes. This is what I need. Yadira can't resist me kissing her, and I purposefully keep it gentle, drawing her in. Sweet Mary and Joseph, she kisses me back, and I have to fight myself to remain in control, keeping back the impulse to roughly demand ownership of all of her. No, I want her to meet me there, so I continue to gently encourage her.

     It's wonderful. Sweet Yadira is kissing me back with growing intensity. The last time, I wanted her immediately. This time looks to be the same, but I need her to want it too. She will, with enough time.

     I moan and grab her shoulder before pushing the dress halfway down her arm, exposing a portion of her breast. I can't help it; I start increasing my urgency.

     She pulls back and fixes her dress. "Wait."

      "Why?" I want to push her dress back down. Where should I take her? There's a chair immediately behind her. The table off to the side is a bit too flimsy for how I'd want to use it. In the next 'room,' there's a sofa, but if I'm going that far away, I may as well take her upstairs to the bed. But first, the dress.

     "This isn't right," she says as I kiss her neck.

     "Feels more than right to me," I mutter against her delicious skin.
     The next voice I hear makes my blood run cold.

      "I think I agree with my WIFE on this one."

      Yadira tries to escape my grasp, but I hold her fast while I glare at my very rude competition. "Bugger off, ye damn wanker. She's na yer wife anymore than one of the chickens is."

      "Sonofabitch, I'll remove you myself!" He charges at me.

      Idiot! He attempts to punch me while I deftly dodge it and simultaneously get lovely Yadira out of the way. My forearm goes for his throat as if by its own will, and he coughs, unable to avoid the strike. He's never been any good at hand-to-hand combat, and he's an imbecile thinking he can have a go at me.

     Seeing my advantage, I take it and shove him face-first onto the rotting floorboards.

      I don't have to punch him that many times for him to get the point. "Yer an imbecilic, spoiled brat of a festerin' dunghill not worth a tenth of her, an' it's about damn time ye learned that."

     Yadira's crying. "Stop it! Leave him alone!"

     Rohan struggles violently, but he's unable to match my weight. "She's... not... yours!"

     "Benjamin, let him go!"

     Shock rips through me as I hear my real name again, making me pause in my assault.

     And Rohan sees his own advantage now. Before I realize it, I'm flipped onto my back.

      "You want to talk 'not worth her,' fucker?" Punch. "Find a mirror!" Punch punch.

      "No, Rohan, stop it!" Now Yadira is yelling for my sake. Hell, if it makes him look like an ass, he can beat me to a bloody pulp if he likes. I can take it.

      Rohan glares at me before 'helping' me stand. As we face each other, Yadira scares me when she runs between us. You don't run between two bulls ready to kill each other! I have to immediately cancel my instinct to punch at him. Unlike him, I won't strike if there's a chance Yadira could get hurt.

       He yells something to me, but I don't even hear him. I'm entirely focused on how the lovely Yadira presses herself against HIM while pushing ME away. What? But... No! ROHAN'S the ass here. Why are you pushing ME away? 

       "Just go, Orion," she tells me, and my heart breaks that she didn't call me Benjamin.

       And there you have it, I think as Yadira cries in Rohan's arms, her apologies to Rohan doing their best to escape in her sobbing.

       I stumble off into the night. Alone.

21: Busy

NSFW

Sama

     For the past week, Vik has been a frequent-to-constant visitor at my place. That's not saying I don't have other visitors frequently. My house has always been a sort of 'central hub' of activity, it being the only decent building for a long while. But Vik practically moves in.

      I'm not saying I mind. He's also really attached himself to Zane, and I'm always grateful whenever he can calm my son so that I can finish whatever 'mother-to-the-family' task I have going.

      Sometimes, when no one else is around, he surprises me in some ardent way. One time, I was sitting on the couch reading, and he took the book out of my hand before kissing me like there was no tomorrow. I'd started to argue with him, saying him taking the book was rude, but he didn't give me a chance. I soon gave up, though, because the man can really kiss--not that I have anyone else for comparison. But I'm not making any complaints.

     We've made out on the couch several times, and I sometimes wonder why he hasn't pushed for more. Sex is no big deal, right?

     "Aren't you cold?" he asks me.

     I sigh. "I suppose I am." It's been getting colder and I have warmer clothes, yes, but he stares at me with that hungry look MORE when I wear this.

     I finish preparing the fish, smile at him while hiding the strange hurt that he wants me to put on more clothes, and go upstairs to change.

     But before I can get to my wardrobe, I find out him asking me that was all a ruse so he could pull off one of his surprises again. I hadn't even heard him come up the stairs. One second I'm facing my wardrobe, and the next, I'm spun around, in his arms, and his mouth is on mine.

     I don't think he's ever been to my bedroom. My house may be a kind of public place, but my bedroom isn't.

     I'm falling madly in love with him. It's terrifying, but I can't help it. He's so perfect for me, even when his temper gets out of hand. Am I crazy for saying I even love his temper? I must be because that makes no sense. A hot temper is not a good thing, but if it ever gets directed at me, something comes over me. It's hard to explain, but it's like I handle it, like I can physically mold it with my hands as if it were clay, and he apparently loves that.

    He moans and slowly starts walking me backwards.

     His hand moves to my ass, and he moans again when he squeezes it.

     "Sama, you're driving me insane."

     Huh? "What? How?"

     He kisses me again before answering, "By going around in this skimpy summer outfit."

     "Oh. That kind of insane."

     "Yes." He bends his knees a fraction, puts his hands UNDER my skirt, and stands again while simultaneously grabbing my ass once more. "Shit, do you have any idea how many times I've wanted to do that?"

      "What, grab my ass?"

      "Yes. I think I'll just go through life with my hands cupping your ass. That won't be too much of an inconvenience for you, will it? I shouldn't think so." He chuckles, and I realize we're much closer to my bed.

      "But then I couldn't do this." His hand covers my breast.

      I say his name, not for any real reason. It just comes out. I'm about to jump him if he doesn't do something about what he's doing to me. Our eyes lock, and he nudges me back onto the bed.

      He reaches for my underwear, and I hear the front door open. Shit. 

      "They're here for supper," I whisper to him.

      He responds quietly back to me, "Hm. I prefer the main course served up here."

      I gasp when I figure out what he wants to do to me, and I move to get away. I can guess I won't be able to stay quiet through that. But he grabs me and pulls me back to him.

     I gasp several times and whimper. I can't take it! I'm going to lose my mind, and everyone is going to come running upstairs to see 'what's wrong.' I whisper desperately, "Vik, please."

     But all he does is chuckle deep in his throat as a response, and he happily chases me all over the bed, removing our clothes as he does. When I come, he swiftly moves...

     ...thrusting himself inside me.

     I hear voices from below, "Where are Vik and Sama?" I think it was Zuri.

     A whimper slips out when Vik starts slowly moving, watching me.

     Next, I hear Orion's unmistakable voice, "I have a guess." I picture him grinning. "They're busy."

     I want to scream from how Vik is driving me out of my mind.

     "Yes," Vik whispers to me, "Vik and Sama are busy." He takes in a deep breath, never stopping. "And will be for quite some time."

     My eyes roll backwards, and I pant to keep from screaming. Shit, I had no idea it really could be like this. Those romance writers must've been pulling from experience, not imagination.

     Having an almost-audience must turn him on--because he starts testing me, seeing what drives me the most insane. The conversation has picked up downstairs, and I see him smiling when I grab one of the pillows to scream into it.

     "Shit, Sama," he whispers into my ear several minutes later, "I had no idea it could be THIS good."

      "Please, go faster."

      He laughs quietly. "No way. Then I," he stresses the 'I,' "won't be able to stay quiet."

      I hear Orion ask everyone if they'd like to play a game of cards when I start hitting Vik. He smiles again, snatches my wrists, and pins them to the bed.

      He leans down to me, "I've waited a lifetime for you, Sama. The last thing I want is to hurry this along." Then he kisses me, and I'm positive now that I love him.

     We make love for hours, and I finally realize what that means. It's more than sex. Sex IS a big deal, especially when it's with someone you love as deeply as I do Vik.
     When at last we're exhausted, I hear Zane starting to stir. Next, I faintly hear Orion's voice as he coos to him, getting him to calm down. I know I'll have to go and feed him in a little bit, but I appreciate Orion's helpfulness.
      Vik and I talk quietly about a future we want, and I really want him by my side. I love him. I need him. If he's proclaimed me this 'leader' person, I need guidance at times. His temper aside, Vik is really good at thinking things through.
     "I love you," I breathe to him.
     He opens his eyes and smiles. "You stole my line." He kisses me. "I love you, too." He takes a huge, contented breath, and we cuddle some more on the bed.

       "So much," he continues. "Who else could put up with my mood swings?" We laugh together.
       "I love your mood swings." I kiss him quickly.
       "There will never, ever be anyone else for me. Will you marry me, Sama?"
       My eyes fly open to see him smiling at me. I smile back. "You stole my line."
       "Say yes."
       "Hmmm, what will you do if I don't?" I'm toying with him on purpose.
       He chuckles and throws his leg over me. "Sexually torture you until you do."
       Zane screams downstairs. I give Vik a look, and he moves his leg. Smiling, I get out of bed. He watches me as I pad over to pick up my discarded clothes. Then, I turn around, dash over to him, lean down, kiss him quickly, and say, "Yes."

20: Emotionally Directed

Yadira

     Rohan has gone to sleep, but having slept most of the day, I'm not tired. I decide to have a look around. It's very bright out tonight, so I don't have any difficulty seeing. In fact, if it weren't for the stars, I might be persuaded to think it was day.

     There were no stars in the Land of Weird. That man called that place where I was so many different names, but I still think of it as the Land of Weird.

     I now remember arriving at the Land of Weird and how I'd worried I might never see the people I love again. That gives me hope. I remember remembering them.

     "Good evenin', lovely Yadira," I hear behind me.

     I smile. There's something about him that makes me want to laugh, and since emotional responses are all I have to go on, I decide that's a good thing.

     "Hello," I reply, and he walks to stand in front of me.

     He waits for a moment while we stare at one another. He's not exactly what I'd call attractive, but somehow, that doesn't matter.

     His shoulders slump the tiniest amount. "I'm Orion."

     "Hello then, Ori--" I pause. Again, I'm acting on pure instinct. "No. That's not your name." Is he playing a trick on me?

     His mouth drops. "Well, I, uh..."

     I start doubting myself. "Is it?" Oh no. I don't want to insult him.

     "It has been for a good, long while."

     Oh. Okay. He changed it. "What was it before?"

     "How did ye know that wasna my original name? Rohan doesna even know that."

     "I have no idea." And I can say honestly that this isn't the strangest thing to happen to me today. "So what was it?"

     He gets a goofy expression on his face. "Well, why don't ye tell me? See if ya can guess." 

     It's not what he says but how he says it. I start giggling.

     He sighs, looking a bit more content with everything. "At least I can still make ya laugh."

     It's true! I knew right away something about him makes me happy. Although, I also sense an ulterior motive. Earlier today, he wasn't exactly looking at me the way a friend would but rather something more. What happened that he remembers and I don't?

     "Well, do ye have a guess?"

      I take a breath and close my eyes. Who says I have to wait for Rohan and Yuri, I mean Zuri (the man called her Zuri, right?), to begin trying to figure out what exactly changed about me. I try to clear my head and let something else tell me. It's not as easy as it sounds.

     "It's an old name. Rob--" I almost say Robert. "No. Benjamin." I smile and open my eyes to see him wide-eyed staring at me, his mouth agape.

     "How?"

     "I have no idea. Am I right?" I smile. I don't really care if I'm right. This is a fun game. I should've played it with everyone.

     "You are," he says slowly. "Yadira, there's na'a person alive today that knew that."

     I'm tired of things being weird, so I alter the subject. "Why did you change it? You don't like it?" Sounds like a nice name to me.

     "I like it fine. I just wanted a fresh everything when I got away from my parents. I didna even want the name they gave me."

      Parents. I have no idea who my parents were. Rohan said I didn't know yesterday either.

     It's driving me crazy how I can't even remember yesterday! "What did I do yesterday?" The question probably feels random to him. I watch the color drain from his face, and I try to relate it back to our conversation. "How is it that I can tell you your birth name yet I can't tell you what I did yesterday?" I bite my lip. "How do I know if I'm even me?" 

     He takes several shallow breaths. "The fountain... it affects yer mind. It gives as it takes, but... it's just takin' yer memories. Yer feelin's, yer emotions, yer... heart are still the same. If ye stop tryin' to THINK about yesterdee, can ye FEEL it?"

     "What you're saying makes sense. Somehow. But... how on earth do I get myself to FEEL yesterday?"

     He glances behind me, takes my hands, and says, "Come here." He starts pulling me off to the side, closer to a wall. Then he surprises me.

      "Do ye remember now?" he asks, his voice quieter and a tad deeper.

      "What are you doing? Stop it."

      "I'm tryin' to shock ya into rememberin' somethin'. Do yer lips remember?" He kisses me, and one thing's for sure: I'm definitely shocked.

      I pull back away from him, breaking out of his embrace. I touch my lips. "What are you saying?"

      He takes a step. "I'm sayin' that yesterdee, I finally got the chance to tell ye I love you." A look of pain crosses his face. "And now ye don't even remember!"

     I've backed into the wall, and he closes in again.

     I can't tell for sure if he's crying because he hides his face in my neck. Still...

     "Are you saying I cheated on Rohan?" I may not remember myself, but that doesn't feel right.

     "No." He sniffs. "You were so darlin'. You didna kiss me back, but sweet Mother Earth did I ever kiss you." He kisses my neck in between little huffing breaths.

     "But I let you." He's telling the truth. Going on my feelings, I know it.

     "Yea. Conflicted the entire time, an' I'm so sorry for that." He kisses my cheek, and the wisps of hair next to my face stick to him as he moves up to look into my eyes. "Please. Please tell me ye feel SOMETHIN'."

     My hair frees itself, and I look at his face. Yes, his cheeks are damp, so I reach up and try to dry them off with my hand. YES, my heart screams at me. But then why is it also screaming DON'T!?

     He whispers, "Yer still in there." His eyes close for a moment, and he turns his head to kiss my palm before going back to look into my eyes.

     Why? I ask myself. How could I do this to myself? It's wrong. "I'm... married." Right?

     He smiles radiantly. "Yer not."

     "But Rohan said--"

     "Rohan is a child playing 'house.'"

     "If he's a child, what am I?"

     He shrugs. "Okay. So play it wiv me." He leans in and crushes his lips to mine, only for a moment, though. "I love you."

     Regardless of what I'm feeling, right is right and wrong is wrong. I push him back as I say, "How can you say I'm not married?" I get the feeling he LETS me push him back, and I walk a few steps away. "We said vows."

     "Vows ye don' remember sayin' now."

     "That doesn't mean I didn't say them!" I've spun around to argue with him, but he wraps his arms around me again.

      "Yadira, those vows were feeble at best."

      I can't breathe without feeling myself do it against him. He's pulled me tightly to his chest. "You're making this argument like we've argued this before."

      "We have."

      "And I didn't believe it then, did I?"

      He looks at my face, his eyes traveling. "I was tryin' to convince you." He pauses. "I canna help but wonder if ye were wiv Rohan 'cause you'd met him first. When I asked ye what would've happened had ya met us both at the same time, ye answered ya didn'n know for sure."

     "Well, I was right. How can I?"

     "Ye can right NOW. Ye don' remember him any more than ye do me, right?"

     He continues, "As far as yer mind goes, ya met us both today."

     I was right when my first thought of him was that he was intense. He is, and the surprising way he's affecting me makes a much more girlie part of me conjure up scenes from some very old romance novel, not that I remember any specifics or that I even read any. I feel ridiculous the thought even entered my mind, and I wish that blush wouldn't show up that's forming whether I want it to or not.

     "But my emotions are the only thing I have to go on, and my body reacts like I'm in love with Rohan."

     "But don' try an' tell me ye don' also react to me." He looks at me like he could eat me alive.

        "Whether or not I do, Benjamin, is not the point." I don't miss his sharp intake of breath with hearing me address him by his real name.

        "Oh yes, it's exactly the point."

      Damn him! Of COURSE I react to him, but that doesn't mean I have to act on it. He's giving me little chance not to, though. How can a kiss be both passionate and tender at the same time?

      I kiss him back.

      He notices, and he breathes in in a kind of victorious way and holds me tighter, if such a thing is possible. The 'tone' of the kiss moves from passionate to desperate need in mere seconds, and I know that if I don't stop it, it will go far beyond just this. And this is bad enough.

     His lips move to my neck, and I beg, "No. Please no, Benjamin."

     He pulls back, his breathing hard. His self-control balances on a tenuous thread, ready to snap if I give the slightest recant of my 'no.'

     "Yer the only one," he tells me, "who calls me Benjamin." His lips brush mine. "Yer the only one on whose lips it sounds like angels' wings." Another soft kiss. "Don' tell them."

     "I won't." I think of a caveat. "Don't tell anyone this happened. I don't... I don't know what I'm going to do."

     "Deal, but I'm na one for givin' up, sweet Yadira. Not easily."

     "I think I've noticed that."

     He starts chuckling, releasing me, stepping back, and kissing my forehead. "Goodnight. I'll na pester ye anymore tonight."

     I nod and turn to head back to the house I share with Rohan.

     I'm in a serious mess. Why did I have to get dropped into this? As if going around memory-blind wasn't bad enough. I'd thought letting myself be emotionally directed would help. Tuh. Right. Emotionally directed right into a hydrogen bomb.