14: Things

Vik

     I want to scream! How could I have been such a bonehead? I had this carefully planned out. Then, when Sama almost walked away after officially seeing the new forge, I panicked. I hadn't planned on asking about the trip to the mainland until later. However, I DID manage to collect myself and steer the conversation back towards my intended heading, but then I couldn't get the image out of my head of she and Rohan together. Admittedly, I don't have the details, but my mind is plenty good at making up the missing pieces until I know otherwise. For instance, what if she still has feelings for him even though he's with Yadira? I don't want to tell her how I feel and wind up as just a consolation prize.

     But I bungled the whole thing up!

     I never had time for a relationship while the world was falling apart. My only experience was with Zuri, and she made it easy. With Sama, it's anything but. It's just that I've never met anyone quite like her. She's shrewd, and she makes it look good. After all, she's the prime reason she, Asa, and Yadira survived when they had no adult!

     During the construction of the forge, she would frequently be nearby, which also led to the slower pace I adopted in building it. When she wasn't paying attention, I would watch her hips sway back and forth as she did laundry and whatever chore she chose to do in my vicinity. Oh, it was hypnotic. It's a wonder my tongue didn't hang out to halfway down my chest.

     I was an idiot just now thinking I could've accomplished telling her how I feel. OF COURSE there would be no way to predict how a conversation with her might go. However, I was on the right track when my temper got the better of me. Yes, let me bite your head off then try and explain how you drive me crazy in another sense. 

     I've made my way to a cliff, so I stand and take deep breaths of the salty ocean air. I could never live far from the sea. Something about it calms me, even if it's rough weather. It'll be all right. Somehow. I take another deep breath and glance back toward the settlement when something catches my eye.

     Oh shit. It's Sama! I freeze as if caught in a snare while I watch her approach. Fucking hell, I have no idea what to say now. My jaw clamps shut as a way of preventing myself from being an ass again.

     "Vik?"

      Gods only know what I must look like right now. No wonder she sounds confused.

      I nod. Mouth shut! I pick up a small pebble and fiddle with it in my hand. She's now walked up to me.

      "I didn't mean to upset you by trying to take my hands back." Her exotic eyes watch me carefully.

      I take a deep breath then quickly nod again. Since I haven't spoken, she decides to keep going.

      "I was doing that because I was uncomfortable."

      Shit. I close my eyes as I wince. I was making her uncomfortable. Because I was being an ass. I force out another nod.

      She stays quiet for a long time, perhaps waiting for me to say something? I dare not.

      Finally, she speaks again, "I was afraid that I might try to read more into the gesture than what you intended."

      My eyes open. But I WANT you to read more into it! My mouth opens to speak, but I force it closed again, my teeth clicking.

      Her eyes fall, looking at the ground now. I wish I knew her thoughts. They don't look happy. "Okay," she whispers. Then she turns to go, walking back the way she came.

     My eyes get distracted from watching her hips sway when she reaches up to quickly wipe at her face. Damn it all to hell. How does a person go about doing this kind of thing? Why can't I just tell her? Why can't she just figure it out?
    I turn and roughly throw the small pebble over the cliff. Then I wait a few minutes before finally deciding that I need more physical activity. I need to rip something apart.

      In between gathering things for the forge, Rohan, Asa, Orion, and I have worked on compiling a collection of useful 'things.' I'd thought to start by melting down the steel frame of an old, broken table, but right now, I'm frustrated enough to be able to rip off the door to the old automobile. The only reason I haven't is because the leather on the seats is in surprisingly-good condition. I don't want to expose the material until I have some way to oil it first.
     I stomp over and grab the table. I could at least break it apart and sand off the rust. I need to make an arrowhead mold, not to mention bows. But for right now, this table is getting demolished.

     For the next week, Sama and I don't interact much. I'm busy with Rohan as we get ready to go to the old town in search of more 'things.' Our best weapons are wooden pikes he and Asa created. It doesn't give me a lot of confidence, but hopefully, we'll manage to find something in the town. A shotgun in decent condition would be a godsend. A man can dream.

     Our trip winds up being quite eventful! I actually manage to find THREE shotguns, all in working order, as well as a decent amount of ammo.
     That was great... because I believe Sama about the tiger thing. I didn't SEE anything, but I smelled it. I decided that having the shotguns made our trip safer, and I used that as a sort of loophole to my promise to her. We don't have to turn back until such time as we having better weapons--because we have them now.
     Rohan also finds some very useful things as we go through dead people's homes. Clothing. Lots of clothing. Many bits found in cedar furniture, meaning moths and other creepy-crawlies haven't destroyed them. With Rohan's excitement over the whole find, Orion can't help but tease him about his 'fashionista' persona. Can't a man be happy to find clothes? Sure, it's hot as hades right now, but winter will arrive eventually. In fact, Asa mentioned he was surprised to see snow show up this early on the far inland mountains.
     I find tools, among which are two blowtorches. One is broken, but I'm taking it anyway. It has a fuel canister.
     I feel we barely scratch the surface of the old town before Orion checks the sun and recommends we return to the island. So we load up our swag, happy that this was by no means a wasted trip.

     As we row back to our island, unwittingly named Haven by Yadira who now admits she made it up on the spot, I can't help but notice how small it is. When we'd been aboard the sailboat, it didn't seem that big a deal for the island to be small. But living there made it seem bigger. Strange.
     The sun starts dipping below the horizon when we finally reach the beach. Sama stands waiting for us, a smile on her face. I want to believe her radiant expression is all for me, but I need to stop kidding myself.