15: Mother

Rohan

     The temperature has cooled somewhat since we brought the boxes up from our mainland expedition. Both Orion and Asa have turned in, but Vik and I are still up. I turn to him to bid him goodnight.

      It was a long day. "Good day today, right? I'll see you in the morning." Before I turn around, he stops me.

      "I was hoping if I could talk to you about something."

      "Sure?" I wonder if this has to do with the guns. I don't mind training Asa if that's what he's on about.

      "It's about Sama," he answers to my expression.

      "Oh." 

      He doesn't say anything else immediately, just standing there watching me.

      I can't take the silence. "What did you want to know?"

     He takes a breath. "Well, for lack of a better term, you're her 'baby daddy,' correct?"

     "Er... right. I suppose you could say that." I don't have much to do with Zane; he's a strain on my relationship with Yadira. Not that I don't care for him, but he's not my first priority.

     "So be honest with me, did you just... try out both women and decide which one you liked better?" His nostrils flare out.

     "What? No. I've only wanted Yadira from the moment I met her."

     His anger suddenly skyrockets.

      "So you just USED her? So even though you didn't really want her, you thought you'd wet your dick one more time before getting with the one you really wanted?"

      Whoa. I'd heard of Vik's infamous temper before, but I'd not been witness to it and certainly not been its recipient. I'm reminded of the time Reck came to me complaining about him.

      One thing IS for sure, though, I will not be spoken to like that.

      "You hold it before you go jumping to conclusions. Sama came to ME, saying she wanted a child. I told her I wasn't interested, but she convinced me anyway. This was NOT my idea." I'm ready to punch him if he decides to pin more blame on me and start yelling again. I'll show I'm not to be bullied. I'm not having another Reck.

     He glares at me, seeing I'm ready to strike, but he continues with his interrogation. "So she came to you," he states the question.

     "Right." My fist remains clenched, and my heart races. He's stopped glaring, so I pause in my intention to punch his jaw.

      "Was she in love with you?"

      Now he's accusing me of breaking her heart? "No, gods dammit. And she never acted like she was. She told me she wanted that before anything got started with me and Yadira. She probably would've asked Asa next, but she wasn't, isn't, interested in either of us." My fist relaxes, and I work at catching my breath, a realization finally taking hold. Fecking hell. Is THAT was this is all about? "No, mate. She's interested in YOU."

     That totally shocks him.

     "You think so?" He's gone from super-angry to very unsure of himself in a matter of moments, all because of what I told him.

      All the same, I don't want to put words in Sama's mouth. "If she's interested in anyone, it's you." At least, if what I saw of her staring at him meant what it looked like it meant, she is. I feel my lips quirk. "One thing I CAN tell you is I've never seen Sama so eager to do laundry than when you were building the forge."

     That makes him stand taller. "Really."

     I grasp his shoulder and nod. He takes a breath and nods back at me, then he walks to the door, taking his shirt off as he goes, and placing it on a nearby shelf.

Sama

     When the guys arrived back at the island, I was so relieved I could cry. Then, I almost did cry when Orion laughingly handed me a box of books, jokingly saying he thought I could use a few more.

     I get Zane to go to sleep, and I pick one out of the box. It's a cookbook, but most of the recipes I can't do. We have no flour. Oh, how I'd love to have some kind of grain!

    Vik walks in, and I stop paying attention to the book, even though my eyes remain on it. He's acted really moody this past week, and I've unhappily avoided him. I miss the days when I could covertly watch him work.

     What is he doing here? "Hello," I say, not looking up.

     "Hi," he replies and walks over to me. Then he sits down.

      He doesn't speak after that, merely acting like he's trying to calm his breathing. I wish he would tell me why he's here. Oh, my imagination can come up with some reasons, many of them in line with some girlie fantasies. Who knew I could be a romantic? Perhaps those novels struck more of a chord than I first figured.

      I reach up to turn a page, keeping up the pretense of reading. My eyes dart down and over to him frequently. He was wearing a shirt earlier when he arrived back at the island. He must be getting ready to go to sleep because it's off now.

      What was the heroine's name in that book? Oh yeah. Erienne. What a pretty name. And it was so entertaining how the love of her life spent most of the novel getting on her last nerve, even though she was inexplicably attracted to him. When they FINALLY got over themselves and admitted to the other one how they felt, it was explosive in the best way possible. I sigh happily.

     That gets Vik's attention, and I see out of the corner of my eye when he turns to look at me. I do my best to pretend to be REALLY INTERESTED in the mostly-useless cookbook. Honestly, I'd love to make this fish recipe, but I don't have any paprika.

     Is he wanting me to put the book down? 

     He takes in and lets out a deep breath as he looks straight ahead again. I can't possibly gauge his mood other than pensive, but he's frequently pensive.

     His fingers lightly tap on his legs, and I can't take it anymore. I put the book down at my feet.

     "Is there something you wanted to discuss?" I do my best to keep my tone light.

     "Yes," he finally speaks.

     "Well, I'm listening."

     "I wanted to report to you that our expedition went incredibly well." His eyes have the barest trace of a smile.

     "That's good." Oh. He's 'reporting to the leader.' That's all. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

      "We did. And more. You saw the guns, right?"

      I look at my lap. "Yes." And they scared the dickens out of me. I understand their necessity, but they're like a relic from a bad dream.

      "Good. Because I want to let you know that they work. And we have ammo." He pauses. "I think I smelled what might've been the tiger, Sama." To my horrified expression, he continues, "That's why I wanted to point out the guns work. We were alert, but we didn't find much of a trace of it, or them."

     The idea that I could've lost any or all of the guys terrifies me. "It's not safe over there, then!" I don't want them going back.

     He reads my expression. "We need to go back there, Sama. There's so much more we didn't explore. There are so many other things we could find."

     "You mean like a pride of tigers."

     "We're hunters! So I'll bring back a tiger pelt. You can use it like a rug and stomp all over the damn thing every day if you like."

      I don't like this! What if something happens to one of them? What if something happens to HIM? "We've lived on this island for more than a decade without going over to the mainland. We don't need those things. What if something happened to you?"

      "You're not my mother!" He immediately closes his eyes like he regrets his words.

       "I'm sorry. Of course you're not, and you're not saying you are. I just..." His voice trails off, and he wipes his hand down his face. "I'll speak with you tomorrow." He gets up and storms out. The door slams, and Zane wakes up screaming.

       Sighing, I get up to feed him a little, just to calm him down. About a minute goes by, and Vik charges back inside, looking like he's about to explode. He immediately deflates when he sees I have one half of my shirt pulled up to nurse Zane.

       His face tries to match the shade of his hair. "Sorry. I'll..." He looks at the couch and then the door and then the couch again.

       I smirk. Men. "Go ahead and have a seat. He won't take long to calm down."

     He sits on the couch and looks everywhere but at me or keeps his eyes closed.

     I decide to have a little fun with him. "It's just breastfeeding, Vik."

     "No, it's... I mean..." His face reddens again. It's so cute.

     "It's the most natural thing in the world." I kiss my baby's forehead. He's getting sleepy again.

     Vik puts his head in his hands, looking at the floor.

      I push a little harder. "Am I so repulsive to you that you cannot abide me breastfeeding in front of you?" I use his own words against him, changing the context of course.

      "What?" He pops his head up and looks at me, at my face mostly, but his eyes dart down a few times.

       I smile, and Zane falls asleep. Sticking my pinky in his mouth makes him let go, and I lean over to put him back in his crib. Vik adjusts his position on the couch. I fix my shirt on the way back to my seat.

      Is he pouting? "Why would you think I see you as repulsive?" he asks.

      Does he even remember how I closely matched his words? I'VE certainly thought about them a lot this past week. But I have to match this moment or it won't make sense to him. "Because you were looking everywhere but at me."

      "You had your shirt pulled up. I was trying to be polite."

      "I was breastfeeding!"

      "And I was jealous of the baby." His face turns scarlet yet again, and he looks away. Then his head goes into his hand. "That's not to say..." He sighs. "Shit."

      I start giggling. I don't know what comes over me. I must be tired. But I can't get the image of breastfeeding Vik out of my head. A grown-ass man with a full beard no less!

       He turns his head and scowls at me, probably thinking I'm laughing AT him.

       "Oh, don't be upset, Vik. I'm laughing at the picture in my mind. Not at you."

     "What picture in your mind?"

     I giggle. "Because you're a grown man."

     "And?" When I don't say anything, he scoots closer. "You think I don't have fantasies?" Then he unabashedly looks at my breasts.

      His eyes slowly travel up my neck back to my face.

      I have to keep my wits about me now. There's no doubt he's flirting this time, but I refuse to be played. "You have fantasies about breastfeeding." It's more a statement than a question.

      The corners of his mouth lift. "Well, maybe not so much the 'feeding' part. That's just a bonus."

      He still hasn't said anything about me specifically, and I have no idea what to say to his last statement.

      "What, no more giggling now?"

      "I'm trying to determine your motivation," I reply honestly.

      "Really? Because I feel like an open book. And you like to read."

      "Surely it seems that way to YOU, but I have no idea if I should be reading anything between the lines."

      "It's all there. Read as much in between the lines as you like, Sama, because if what you're reading is the fact that I'm crazy about you, you'd be right."

      My mouth drops in shock that he actually said it, and I lean away from his attempt to kiss me so that I can ask, "For how long?"

      He lets out a short laugh in a sort of exasperated way, if such a thing is possible. "What do you mean 'for how long'? I don't know. The moment I met you? When I followed you up the hill the first time? When I'd taken forever building the forge because you kept distracting me with your hypnotic hips? Certainly before then."

      "My... my what?"

      Understanding enters his eyes. "Holy shit. You REALLY don't know, do you?"

      I am the tiniest bit pissed off, but curiosity wins out. "Know what?"

      "You're fucking beautiful."

      Nope. I don't believe it. He tries to kiss me again, but I once more move out of the way.

      "Sama..." he pleads.

      "You don't have to lie to me. You can say you like how I'm smart. You can say you like that I'm this 'leader' person you say I am. You can even say how you might like how I can make you angry at the drop of a hat, but don't lie to me and say I'm beautiful. Because it's not true." I quickly get up off the couch and storm upstairs.