19: Memories

Rohan

     I knew it. I just KNEW it! I knew there was something special about Yadira.

     I didn't take long to get over my horrible fear that something terrible had happened to her since she'd been missing all night. When she showed up this morning looking the way she did, I found that my wife still had the ability to stun me.

      She didn't remember me. Or anyone. And that distressed her. Honestly, I'm not too worried. Her memories should come back. She's still my wife, a woman ten times more amazing than I thought, and I'd already thought she was amazing.

     I know what Zuri was thinking. I know why she would've fit in nicely with the Trags. She's very religious in her own way. It was her influence that made me believe Yadira was a goddess when I first met her. Looking at Zuri's expression, that's what she's thinking.
    Not that I can blame her! All we have to do is LOOK at Yadira to know something happened to her, and the story she's telling sounds an awful lot like stories Zuri herself told me. I'd never shared any of that with Yadira, the stories, and I doubt Zuri has taken the time to tell her either since she's been so focused on Asa, her daughter, and Vik with her daughter.
     Orion's depression barely registers on my radar. Honestly, I don't care. Yadira's my wife. He can't have her, and he needs to get over that fact.

     Yadira goes to lie down; Orion mumbles something about fishing; and Zuri tells us she's going to check on Amina... and Asa. She winks. Poor boy. She's wearing him out.
     That leaves me standing here alone with Vik. Sama went inside to nurse Zane.

     Honestly, ever since our altercation about Sama, I've tried to steer clear of alone time with Vik. The fight may be over, but I'm still on my guard, not knowing if his temper will explode again.
     "We're in deep shit, Rohan. I need to impress upon you that fact."
     "Come again?" My wife shows up glowing like the sun, looking more beautiful than I've ever seen her, and you tell me we're in deep shit?
     Is this still about Sama? When will he get it through his head that it was all her idea?
     "For one, haven't you heard? Reck thinks Amina is his. It's the reason we left. My life was at stake if he'd found out. He would've found some way to do me in."
     "Right. That's why you left. How does that put us in deep shit?"

     "Surely he's not dumb enough to sail this close to winter, but I wouldn't put it past him to send out scouts."
      I want to ask him if he's just being paranoid, but I phrase it differently. "Are you sure he'd go so far as to send out good men looking for who he thinks is his daughter?"
      He looks at me now. "And Zuri." To answer my knowing look, he says, "You know how he always obsessed over her."
     I think back. "Ever since that day with the wolves."

     Reck and I were once friends--of a sort. It was his best mate who died of the poisonous berry, and he sort of went inward after that. Orion would try to draw him out, but all he did was annoy him. Reck would actually listen to ME, and he'd open up. Well, as much as Reck would ever open up.
     Until that day Zuri showed up. While I'd helped Jers down from the tree branch he'd clung to, I watched as my sort-of mate's eyes glazed over and an obsession took hold. Amazingly, Zuri managed him, taking other lovers as well yet making him feel special. As the years went on, though, I started noticing his anger growing, and when Zuri attempted to seduce ME, I stopped her. Anyone on Reck's bad side would end up in some kind of miserable state one way or another. Which is why I left. Which is why Vik and Zuri eventually had to leave with Amina--and Orion in their wake.
     And now we're harboring them.

     "You really think his obsession would take him this far?"
     "Possibly. As far as he knows, we could be anywhere. But the currents..."
     Right. With the global climate changes, the ocean currents changed, making what would've been a much longer journey here quite swift by comparison, thanks to the different currents. This little area is sitting smack-dab in the middle of a likely search area. "Fuck."
     "Exactly. Mind you, I had no intention of dragging you all into this mess, but..." He turns around and looks longingly back at Sama's house, and I immediately understand. He turns his head back, clears his throat, sees my expression, and continues, "I've been working on different ways to hopefully be able to defend ourselves, but I don't know if we have enough TIME to build the fortifications we might require."
     "Well, how many would he send? Three? Four? He can't exactly spare them."
     "Right. But my latest fear NOW is that someone gets back to him. Look at this place, Rohan."
     "I know, I know. It still needs work, but--"
     "Look at it, everything, with HIS eyes."
      I stop and try to do as he asks. It's a small island, hardly worth the trouble. Surely, the town would have more to offer. I already HAD thought of those things, and that's why I chose to come here. But now, if word got back to him that Zuri is here, that Amina is here, that the 'traitors' Rohan and Orion are here, that the man Vik who he thinks stole 'his' woman is here, it's too tempting a target.
     And once here, he'd see the beauty and untapped richness of the place, something that had been steadily decreasing in his area. My eyes look over our beloved, albeit still messy, settlement, and I land on my small house. And I don't want to think of what he'd do to everything, and especially everyONE here.
     "Do you see what I'm saying now?"

      Vik sighs. "He wanted to conquer the Trags because he saw them as weak, at least as much as he explained to the council. How much weaker are we when compared to them? By his reckoning, not much."
     "But this is OUR island." Fuck, Vik is smart. I think I finally understand where he's leading the conversation. "You're saying we need to plant traps and hidden defenses as well as the obvious ones. The 'home-field advantage.'" We could build underground hiding places as well.
     "Yes, that is obvious. But although he's not particularly a religious man, if he saw what we saw this morning..." He leaves his statement hanging in the air.
     "He'd try to use that too. Use her." Holy fucking shit. Yadira's mysterious transformation may have placed her in more danger than she was already in simply from being beautiful. Reck has always wanted power and whatever tools he can use to gain it.

     Vik and I spend the rest of the daylight hours planning our next steps in future defense of the island and those we love. As the sun sets, we return to those loved ones.

     My wife sleeps peacefully, having no idea the dangers out there that want to destroy everything we have. I decide I won't trouble her with them. She has enough on her plate at the moment.
     "Yadira." I'm not surprised she's still asleep. She was gone all night to wherever it was she went. She was exhausted.

     Her eyes open, and she smiles at me, looking like nothing has changed, like she knows who I am. I smile brightly back at her. Then, my spirits sink as I watch the look of confusion take over.
     But did she ACTUALLY remember for a moment?
     I take a resigned breath and have a seat next to her.

      "Did you sleep well?"
      "Yes. I was having a nice dream."
      I smile. "What was it about?"
      She blushes. "You."
      YES! "So you... remember me?"
      She looks worried, shaking her head no. "I'm sorry. I'm trying. I really am, Rohan, but I can't remember anything!"
      Wait a minute...

     "Who told you my name?" In all the confusion from earlier, she never heard my name. I know because that bugged me every once in a while all day when I was working with Vik.
      She looks surprised. "I... don't know. I thought I already knew it. It was in the dream."
      I take her hand. "What else was in the dream?" I'm desperate to tell her who I am, what we are, but I want to know what she knows without trying.
      She looks down at her hand in mine and smiles shyly.
      "What did we do in the dream?" Yes, something happened to her. I don't know what, but that's still my Yadira in there.

     "We were... together, and... naked." She blushes again.
     I grin. "I'm liking this dream already." I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it. She giggles. I ask, "What were we doing naked?"
     "Probably exactly what you're thinking. It was daytime, and we were under a propped-up animal skin. I could hear the waves."
      Our first time. The fountain gave her back our first time. I say a quick prayer of thanks. Quick because I have a more pressing need to kiss her.

      She makes a sound of surprise, but she also doesn't try to pull away. This tells me a lot. She knows from a dream that we're something special, but it must feel strange to her to have her 'dream lover' suddenly kiss her for what, to her, feels like the first time.
      "I love you, Yadira." I gently and slowly kiss her face over and over again.
      "I... I know." She takes a breath. "All I have are emotions, like phantom memories, and I know I love you too."
       I kiss her harder, making my intent very clear that I want her, but, to her, it still feels like our first time, even with the dream. It was just a dream, after all, even though it probably was accurate. Still, she's not ready, so I, feeling like I'm back in time to a little over a year ago, don't push her past making out. While I do, I do my best to remind her of everything we've shared: our meeting each other, becoming closer, when I finally kissed her, when we made love the first time (I was right about the dream's accuracy!), and the fact that we're married by saying vows to each other before the gods as our witnesses.
      Zuri mentioned Yadira's memories might come back, and I pray they do. Until then, I'll enjoy winning her heart all over again.
      I have some rather nice dreams myself tonight. 

18: The Goddess Yadira

       The sun won't talk to me anymore, and it kind of hurts my eyes to stare at it. So, I look around me. I'm standing on a beach, and there's a hill going up from it. I guess I'll start there.
       It's not long and I think I see the tops of some buildings. Maybe there are people there, and they can tell me who I am. Of course, I won't know whether or not they're lying if they do. They could tell me I'm Father Winter, and I wouldn't know. Not that I know who Father Winter is either. No idea where that came from.
      As I approach, I hear some voices. They're arguing with one another. My stomach twists in knots. I don't like this. I could be in danger and not know it.
      Thanks a lot, Mr. Sun, I think sarcastically. With a deep breath, I decide to try and trust these people. Maybe they're the ones who need me.
      The woman gasps.

      "Yadira!" she exclaims while almost covering her face with her hands. Am I ugly and that's why she did that? The two men she was talking to stop their conversation and turn to look at me. The man and woman near the house stop what looks like an argument. "Ma dieu, Yadira! What has happened to you?"
     Yadira? I watch her as she races up to me. A blond man follows closely behind her.

      I attempt to answer her question. "I... don't know." My few memories of recent events filter in. "I, um, ate the soft nothing and talked to a rock, I mean crystal, and then I drank the wet nothing."
     "You're glowing," the man says, and that makes the woman turn to him very quickly.
     "You can see it too?"
     "Of course I can. Why wouldn't I?" He looks confused. Something about him makes me feel safe. That's good.
      The woman says a bunch of things in some weird words to him. I have no idea, but it sounds funny.

      The man is disturbed by my giggling. "What's happened, Yadira? The dress, that thing in your hair, you're glowing. Literally."
      "My name is Yadira?"

      The woman looks concerned. "You... don't know your own name?"
      The blond man's face starts to fall; another man walks up with a very intense expression on his face; farther back, a red-haired man looks like he doesn't trust me. I hear the word 'demon' come out quite clearly from what he says to the other woman. She sounds like she's trying to get him to calm down. I'm not a demon, am I?
     I'm afraid of the red-haired man. "Well, it's Yadira, right?"

     She's right. This is weird. How can I not know my own name? Or well, before. I know it now. My mood sinks like a heavy rock.
     The woman sounds sympathetic. "You do not know who we are, do you?"
     My voice is almost a whine. "No." What's wrong with me? They all appear to know me. Well, I haven't decided on the red-headed man yet, but they know me. Or at least someone who looks like me. What if I'm not even me?
     I start crying, and that spurns the blond man to immediately come over and wipe my cheeks.
     "Yadira darling, don't cry. It'll be okay."
     My voice has a kind of hiccup to it. "B-but I d-don't know wh-who you a-are."

     "Shh. We'll figure this out." 

     I like his hand on my cheek, and that calms me. But the quiet argument near the house is still scary.

     The other man with the intense expression finally speaks, "I have a theory."

     The woman looks at me as she responds to him. "So do I."

     Blond man takes my hand as my eyes go back and forth between the woman and the other man. The blond man called me 'darling,' and I liked that. Does that mean we're together? Then why is the other man looking at me like that? "What are they?" I ask them.

     The other man speaks first. "I'm willin' to bet they're one in the same." He lightly nudges the woman in the arm. "She ate."

     The woman finishes for him. "And drank."

     "Are the stories true?"

     "I'd thought they were just stories. Allegories."

     "The fountain of forgetfulness."

     "It serves other purposes."

     "But that's a very noticeable side effect," he finishes.

     The entire time, the blond man doesn't say a word. He just keeps holding my hand and staring at me with a lovesick look in his eyes and something else. It's like... reverent?

     The man and woman back near the building continue to argue. The woman sounds like she's telling him off.

Orion

     Zuri gives me a knowing look. "It wears off eventually."

     "We don't know that." Stop it, Zuri. 

     I can hardly believe my eyes with what's happened to Yadira. She's gone from being the most beautiful woman I've ever seen to being so stunningly gorgeous that I'm having a hard time staying on my feet. And Rohan won't stop touching her, the very least holding her hand.

     And she doesn't even remember him!

      "So what's your theory?" she asks again since we didn't exactly answer her the first time.
      Zuri turns to me and asks if I see an aura around her, and I tell her I can. Then she turns back to Yadira. "I don't know how you did it, but you went to the realm of the gods."
      "The what?" She gives us an expression like we just told her she'd been standing in applesauce for twelve hours without knowing it.
      I decide to clarify. "Oh, it's called many things: Heaven, the Nexus, Valhalla, the Elysium Fields, Avalon, Mt. Olympus... Things like that." I pause. "You say you talked to a rock?"

      Her eyes turn directly to me, and I want to fall to my knees and beg her to remember me, remember what had happened as recently as yesterday evening.
      "It was more like a crystal that looked like it was on fire. It told me I had to use the flower to drink the water from the fountain."
      Zuri nods. "That sounds like the stories." She turns to me. "Maybe Sama has a book. Something with folk tales or ancient mythologies, which aren't as mythical as much as some say."
      Yadira holds her head for a moment. "You mean the FOUNTAIN made me lose my memories?! Then why did the rock, crystal, tell me to do it?"

      I answer, "Like Zuri said, It has other purposes."
      "It's what it gives you in return," Zuri tells her, "and right now, I can't say for certain which story about the fountain is true."
      "Then what about the thing I ate?"
      "It should've killed you."
      "Zuri!" I scold her. The last thing Yadira needs now is something to scare her.
      She looks at me, straight-faced. "Well, obviously it didn't."

      Yadira looks to be in shock, in a kind of 'I'll process this later' expression. She sways on the spot, and Rohan reaches out to catch her. He doesn't need to. She catches herself, but she's wobbly.
      "Is there somewhere I could go lie down?"
      Rohan takes her hand--again. "Of course. Come with me." The two of them go into their house, and then Rohan comes back out, walking back over to us. Vik has also joined our conversation, but Sama had to go inside to feed Zane.

     I don't take part, and I barely listen to the conversation going on around me. Zuri's talking about how she knew there was something different about Yadira. I agree, but I had no idea it was something this massive.
     She is completely and utterly out of my league. Rohan's too, but I just don't care about him right now. Zuri throws out the word 'goddess,' but I don't think it's that high. She's no ordinary human, though. Vik is worried she's possessed. Zuri laughs at him.
     All of this happens around me, but I barely hear it. I have to get away from them for now, so I mumble something about needing to go fishing.

     I'm depressed the entire day while Yadira sleeps. It's not fair. I spent all that time, I did all that work, and for what? For her to forget it all? I spend the rest of the day either fishing or just standing and staring out over the water. Before I know it, the sun has started setting.
     When I go to bed in my 'new' structure (a rebuild of what used to be Yadira's hovel), I wind up tossing and turning, unable to sleep. The moon is bright tonight, so I decide to get some air.

     Then I see her, standing alone and thinking. She's not glowing as noticeably now, but she's still stunning. There has to be something still there. I walk towards her.

---------------------------------
A/N: Next chapter we see Rohan's p.o.v., backing up to just after Yadira appears at the settlement. The chapter after that one picks up where this one leaves off.

17: The Land of Weird

Sama

     After I escaped into my house earlier, Vik didn't follow me. I suppose I can understand why. Really, how many women can say they've had a baby yet never been kissed? I didn't used to let it get to me, trying to be content with having Zane, but I was kidding myself. And earlier, I must've looked like a fool.

     I've probably scared Vik off. That wasn't what I wanted to do, but I couldn't bear feeling that stupid!

     The evening arrives, and I'm staring at the useless television set (I've only kept it in an attempt to remember life before the end of the plague) when Vik walks in.

     Oh no. Here it comes. He's finally going to figure out exactly how, in many ways, I'm nothing but a child.

     "Mind if we talk?" he asks.

     "Okay." Pause. "I mean, yes. I mean, sure, we can talk." I tense as he sits down next to me. So it's not that he didn't want to talk to me, it's that he was trying to plan ahead with this conversation first. 

     "I owe you an apology, first of all," he begins. "I honestly had no idea."

     "It's okay. How could you know?" Why do things have to be weird? I hate this. I strangely want him just to shut up and kiss me again. Then we could forget the strangeness of earlier. But I also understand and appreciate that he wants to clear the air.

     He lets out a sigh of relief. "Exactly. It's just... Are you really telling me Rohan didn't kiss you?"

     I pout. I suppose he has a right to know now. "He didn't. He didn't even want me. The only way I could make it work was to tell him to think of Yadira." It was so embarrassing then, but it's especially now that I have to retell it to Vik. "I was hoping it would only take the one time, and it did."

     He gets quiet, and I can imagine it's because he's deep in thought over what I said. My emotions start at a downward spiral. I, in essence, convinced Rohan against his will. He could've easily fought me off, and I don't know why he didn't.

     I take a breath, and, not able to stand the silence, I begin talking again. "It's just that I had a plan. There were the four of us, and I'd thought it would be smarter to..." Oh this is so awkward. "... mix our genetic material as much as possible so the next generation could have the best start possible. I doubt Rohan would've stood for a mix with Yadira and Asa, but I'd cross that bridge later if I had to." I wipe a tear away. "I know, I know. I was stupid. I'd already heard from Rohan himself that there were more people in the world, that this little scheme of mine wasn't necessary. But as far as I knew, no one else was going to show up."

     "Sama, why do you view yourself as unattractive?"

     The question takes me by surprise. It's the last thing I expected him to ask after telling him about my old plan. He must be able to read my expression because he continues.

     "I'm not concerned about the plan you just told me about. It's a very logical approach, but that's just it: logical. I admire your shrewd decision making, but how, with all your intelligence, can you not see that you are also someone to be desired?" Anger simmers behind his striking green eyes, and the effect makes my insides shudder--but not in fear. Vik is amazing. All in one person comes someone who does his best to think before acting and speaking yet I feel that is a learned response to the furiously passionate emotions brewing inside him. And right now they're brewing so closely beneath the surface that should I tap into them, I would be consumed in seconds.

      I need to answer his question. "I never..." heard anyone tell me that before. "Well, I..." never read anyone of my plain description in any of my novels. He might... He might be right? I suppose I have a nice body. After all, the baby weight came off reasonably quickly. My hips stayed wider, but he's already mentioned how he likes that. My breasts stayed bigger, but that's because I'm still nursing Zane. But they're still nice, I guess. I can't shake that my face seems plain to me, though. But maybe it doesn't matter what I think. The incredibly-hot redhead next to me thinks I'm beautiful.

      I feel like the clouds of my life have parted, letting in the sun for the first time. "You... You really think I'm beautiful?"
      He relaxes into a soft smile. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. Do you finally believe me?"
      I smile back at him. "I'm trying. It's like a completely new thing for me. I've always seen myself as plain."
      That fire burns in his eyes. "Sama, one day, I will stand you in front of a mirror and explain in great detail exactly how gorgeous you are and what you do to me, but for right now, I'd like to focus on your lips."

      I expect him to pounce like he'd done earlier today, but he doesn't. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's TOO gentle. I could easily pull away, but I don't want to. His actions don't really make sense from what I saw a moment ago in his eyes. The only explanation I can achieve is that he's trying to prove to me that he doesn't always have to be demanding. Am I weird for wanting him to be?
     Rohan and Zuri (carrying Amina) suddenly walk in, making Vik and me separate like a couple of kids caught by their parents. They see us, and they both start grinning in their own ways. I can't look to see Vik's reaction, but I feel my face burning as I get up and set out supper.
     Orion walks in when the rest of us are almost finished eating. He looks in an odd mood, and he merely thanks me and grabs something before walking out again.
     Rohan acts agitated that Yadira hasn't shown up, and he says he's going out to look for her.

     Vik helps me put away the leftovers, those that we can save, in our glorified-cupboard-that-was-once-a-refridgerator. As we do, I ponder how intertwined my family really is. I have had Rohan's child, and Zuri has had Vik's. Now Rohan and Yadira are together and Zuri and Asa are together. I presume children will come of those unions at some point. The next generation--

     Vik stops my musings. Unlike this morning, I fall right into it. In fact, I fall so into it that I want it to escalate, and he moans when I really start kissing him back. I want to rip his shirt off him. What are we waiting for anyway?
     And I can tell he wants it.

     He suddenly pulls back, panting, and I consider biting his lip. "I should go," he says quickly between breaths.
     "Why?" I see no reason why he shouldn't sleep with me.
     He winces. "It's not like I don't WANT to stay, but... the last time I just jumped in bed with a woman didn't end so well for me."
     Oh. He's afraid I'll end up pregnant.
     Maybe he's not as serious as I thought he was.
     "Okay." My face must be falling because he feels the need to continue to explain.
     "I want you to know this is more than lust, Sama. That's the only reason."
     What's the big deal? It's just sex, right?
     He leans forward and says quietly into my ear, "Tonight, I want you to think about how beautiful you are. Because I know I will."
     This is crazy. "You could stay."
     He kisses me again, hard, but I know he's not convinced. "I'll see you in the morning."

Yadira

     What is happening to me? My body's gone! I'm floating!?

     I'm flying. Weightless. A glowing speck moving quickly. So fast.

     And then I'm not.

     I don't know if I land or magically appear...

     ...wherever this is.

     Is it nighttime? Daytime? There's no sun. No moon. I don't even see any stars!

     "Hello?" My voice echos... kind of. It's weird.

     What happened to me? This is like from that book I read. Sama said it was science fiction. I didn't really understand it then, and I certainly don't understand this now.

      Am I on some kind of alien planet? Well, at least I can breathe. I look around. There's a floating island in the distance.

      Did I eat some kind of poisonous mushroom?

      Am I dead?

      Just as soon as I start to panic that I'll never see Rohan or anyone I love again, I feel myself getting whisked away once more. I sense my body this time, even if I don't feel it. It's like I materialize somewhere else, and all I can see is a hand in front of me.

     "Eat this."

     "Why?" I ask.

     Then I hear another voice; it sounds raspy and old. "She's not ready."

     The first voice speaks again. It sounds like a younger man. "Yes, she is."

      I can't turn my head, but I can move my hand to take the shiny thing. So I do. It strangely feels like a soft... nothing. I bring it up to my face.

      "Go ahead," the friendlier voice urges. "It will help you."

      EAT the shiny soft nothing? Is it even possible?

      "She doesn't know how," raspy voice says.

      What does it mean I don't know how? I'll show it!

      So I do. At first it tastes soft. Then it tastes like nothing. DID I eat it?

      "Good," the friendly voice says, and I get whisked away again.

     "Okay. This is getting old," I say to no one... or whoever is listening. I SENSE someone, or something, is nearby. Like everything else here (wherever here is), it's weird.

     So where did I get plopped down now?

       I feel drawn to a kind of glowing rock, like it's on fire. "Pretty."

       "Thank you."

       "AH!" I cry out and jump back, almost tripping on this dress I just realized I'm wearing. I don't know which to be more shocked about: my sudden makeover or the fact that a ROCK just spoke to me in my head.

       "I prefer crystal to rock if you don't mind." 

       "Okay. A rock with an attitude." I pause and then quickly correct myself. "Crystal. Sorry." Did I just apologize to a rock... crystal? 

       "Apology accepted." 

       "Um, thanks." When does it stop being weird? Maybe I'm dreaming. That's probably it. I sigh with relief. It's a dream.

        "You've eaten. Now have something to drink." 

        "Okay?" Whatever. "Where?"

        "Behind you. The fountain." Did it just point? It doesn't move, but I'm sure I sensed a pointing from it. This has got to be the most bizarre dream I've ever had.

        "Okie dokie." That's it. If this isn't a dream, I have completely lost my mind.

      The water looks clean enough. I dip my hand in it. It feels like nothing is there. Of course. Why should it? With a sigh, I gather some water, cupping my hand to bring it to my lips, but as soon as my hand leaves the water, it's empty. And dry.

       With a scowl, I try again. Nothing.

       "How am I supposed to do this?"

       "With the lily flower, of course." 

       "Oh. Right. Of course." Why not? Dream logic after all. Wearing a kind of miffed and dubious expression, I gather water in the flower. This time it doesn't disappear when I bring it away from the fountain, and I drink.

      It tastes wet. And like nothing.

      "Good." 

      Before I can respond, I'm whisked away. Again.

      Only this time I'm falling. Fast. They dropped me! I'm going to die!

      I hear my breathing. I feel sand under my feet. I'm no longer falling.

      "What was all that about?" I ask no one.

      "Go home. They need you." 

      Did the sun just talk to me? "Wait. Who are you?"

      I get no answer.

      "Hello?"

      Humph. Guess whoever it was clammed up. I look around. 'Go home,' it said. Wait. Where is that? Who needs me?

      Who am I?
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A/N: I apologize profusely about our journey into the land of weird. This has been planned since chapter 2, but more stuff than I expected got in the way. I promise I'll try to keep the weirdness down to a minimum. Well, I'll try.